Who Is Callie?
I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted.
Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,.
World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt!
Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?
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Tuesday, February 23, 2010I HAD to post this one. Now- I am doing my little "WARNING" thingy right here...... I just happened to be looking for Ad's on Craigs List for a house and I took a stroll over into the dating arena to be nosey. And I ran across this Ad... You would not have believed me unless I showed it to you- so read this shit and tell me what you think.....
Date: 2010-02-23, 8:42AMWow, I placed my first personals ad on CL a couple of years ago and MAN the response was fabulous! And heck, I figured I would NEVER get any replies, being middle-aged and looking basically for a dating relationship or a NSA Encounter.
I firmly believe after the many dates that I have been on that 99% of the women that I met and received replies from are from Milledgeville, Georgia. Yup straight out of the asylum literally. Is it a prerequisite to be crazy as hell to respond to postings on CL? For me at least, there is something much more worth sharing with my fellow craigslist addicts; my personal escapades.
First off, I like to think that I'm a cool guy. I've got good taste in music, I'm educated, and I read a lot of books. I'm naturally very easy to get along with. I'm not shallow or close-minded. I value my family, and always find time for my friends. I'm well dressed, always drama free, and am friendly. and...I'M SINGLE AND I WISH I WASN'T!! Seiously, I get asked all the time, "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" Well what am I supposed to say to that? I don't fucking know why I'm single, I guess things aren't supposed to work out for me just yet.
Now, some would consider the following statement a deal-breaker, but I'm gonna spill it anyway. After all, this is MY POSTING.
I am promiscuous. (Wikipedia has a great definition of the word if you're interested). I like sex. A lot. Actually, I love sex. I haven't been in a real relationship in a very long time, and I miss regular sex (among other things). I'm multi-orgasmic, and while I'm not going to get too into it, I'm wierd when I'm not getting a sufficient dose of sex. Now granted, while I am on the ADVENTUROUS side, I am no male whore. I think the right girl is out there for me somewhere, but I don't know where the hell she is, or why I haven't found her yet. I got out of a pretty bad relationship about 18 months ago, and I decided that what ever I was doing to meet women was not working. A friend of mine met a pretty impressive nsa buddy on Craigslist, and I figured "Well, Try everything once right?" nope.. WRONG! ONCE TURNED INTO ME BECOMING A TOTAL CL CE ADDICT!!
So now, that the year has ended, and I am swearing off of Craigslist for a while. But I thought I would visit the section that started it all to vent a little first.
17 WOMEN. Yes, that's right, I've met 17 women off of CL. No joke. NO, I have not had sex with all of them, but I could have. I've gotten over 3500 responses in the past 18 months, from ads that I have posted, and I have met about 8 from ads that I responded to. I know most people reading this will think I'm full of shit, but it's all true. I don't know if I can do them all justice in this little post, but I'll try my best. SO NOW.. WITHOUT FURTHER ADO.. THE WOMEN I'VE MET OFF CRAIGSLIST.
1) ALLISON: You were so nice. I posted some silly ad about being bored and wanting company, and you thought it would be cool if we painted together or something completely juvenile like that. You sounded awesome, and we met the same day. Little did I know that you would turn out to weigh about 100 LBS and look like a cancer patient, but hey, I gave you a shot anyway. We went grocery shopping together on our date, and you wouldn't stop talking about your fucking Jetta. Yes, You drove a Jetta, and let me tell you, that's the way to get the MEN! Well, you were cool, but I never saw or talked to you again, and was pretty wierded out when you tried to kiss me, but I played it off like the nice guy I am. You weren't so bad, sorry it didn't work out.
2) NANCY: The only thing I'm going to say about you is.. WHERE DID YOU GET YOUR PHOTOS RETOUCHED? Seriously. You sent me pics, and I saw Victoria Secret Ads. When I met you, and I saw Phyllis Diller. What the FUCK?? yeah, definitely ditched out on your ugly ass. No way I was letting you ruin my evening or weekend.
3) SAMANTHA: You are one weird chick. You are the shyest person Ive ever met. Kinda odd seeing that your father is such a well-known bigshot. I dont think you are a bad person, but so socially awkward. You need to read a romance novel or rent a sexy movie or something. You know, its OK to move while having sex. I got the sense you stayed so still because you didnt want me to notice I was fucking you, for fear that Id run out of the room. I Don’t know, maybe I would have. Youre academically very smart, now apply those brains to your personal life and stay away from people like me.
4) MICHELLE: I don't remember what post we met from, but I'm glad I found you either way. We had the greatest friendship ever, and the best sex. I loved you, and you loved me, even though we would have never worked together. You would always tell me that I gave the best oral in the world, and was the best lover you had ever been with. You were selfish, and was always petrified that I was sleeping with other women, and you knew I was. I tried to get you to devote a tiny part of yourself to me, but you would never commit, and that hurt. I would have given you my all if you had asked for it. We used to fight, but it never mattered because I could never stay mad at you. When you said goodbye I knew I had to let you go and we haven't spoken since.
5) LEANN: You were stunning. You dressed well, were a nurse, and had your own apartment. I went over, and you fucked me 9 ways from Sunday. We watched a french film, and had good sex. I never saw you again, and I like it that way.
6) DARLENE: You were obsessed with the Atlanta Braves to the point of no return. I can't believe that you actually thought I would have sex with you. You had a gigantic mole that looked like a milk dud stuck on your upper chin, and made me want to vomit. You were another one who looked nothing like your damn pictures, and wouldn't leave me alone. I tried to be sweet to you, but you tried to take advantage of it.
7) PRISCILLA: We had the best date ever. I was so into you. You knew how to show a guy a good time. You were sweet and genuine, and made me like you instantly. We kissed a lot and you didn't turn into a sleaze. When I called you the next day, you freaked out and called me clingy. Jesus - commitment phobia eh? I guess I fucked up, and I think there was a time that I would have given anything to have you call me again. Over it now, but damn that sucked.
8) ANITA: You were cool, and we had a good date, but just didn't hit it off. You kinda had this strange constipated look on your face all the time.
9) JEN: You were by far, my craziest story. You also didn't look like the pictures you sent me, and you had the funniest walk in the world. I wanted to laugh just listening to you and your ridiculous little laugh, but I thought we could be friends at least. We went to dinner and you got very drunk and tried to give me a blowjob in the restaurant. I freaked out. Well, when I went to your apartment to drop you off and you said you wanted to show me something and locked the door I freaked out. The minute you went to the bathroom, I scrambled to the door, struggled with the lock, then ran out like the fucking house was on fire, jumped over your 6-step stoop, and hit the ground running. I don't think I've ever been more freaked out. You left me a nasty voice-mail calling me a "A Fucking Asshole" hahahahaha. Don’t get me wrong I like aggression but sometimes it can be way overboard.
10) CHARLENE: You were very unattractive. I slept with you because I thought thats the best I deserved. I see now that I was lacking in self esteem. But still, you smelled wonderful and I think you are a good person. You could lose some weight, but it wouldnt really matter because you would still be ugly. Sorry about pissing in your mouth. I liked it, but I dont think you shared the same sentiment though
11) BARBARA:- You were old, I was drunk. I should have just masturbated that night. But my mother was in the hospital and I didnt want to be alone. I never think about you.
12) FATEMA: I met you at a party you invited me to, two hours later, you stripped for me. You seemed neurotic to the point of flaky. You called me 2 months later to say you had an ovarian cyst and you wanted to know if I caused it? Yeah, I did - just after I disrupted the Earths magnetic field. Flake.
13) PAIGE: All right, this is a bizarre one. You are smart. You are pretty. You are successful. But never ever should you tell a guy on the first date that your last boyfriend died of AIDS. That was a dickish thing to do. I never wanted to go near you again.
14) LISA: Skinny as can be, red pussy hair and enormous tits. I still have that vision of you on all fours with me banging you from behind - you tits swaying, the size of bowling balls. I jerk off to you sometimes. Too bad you were a bitch.
15) MONA: You were so sexy hot. We went on a hike and you took your shirt off. And when we passed other hikers, you just smiled and said hello. So hot. Sorry I came inside you. I know that freaked you out.
16) RENEE: I think that car accident when you were 22 gave you brain damage. You were a math major in college, but 10 years later you couldnt finish a fucking sentence: I can. I can finish a - hey, is it rain- Im sleepy. I dunno, you were like a character from a Simpsons episode, saying off-the-wall things all the time, but not realizing how ridiculous they sounded to the rest of us. Starsky and Hutch, thats a kind of ice cream isnt it? And sex with you was like something from a bad tv sitcom. Im banging your pussy. Im staring at your beautiful face. Im about to come, when you look deep into my eyes and say, You know, tomorrow, I think Ill wear that green dress with the brown belt. Externally you were beautiful. Internally, I think your brain had turned to apple sauce.
17) HELEN: That was gross, you had more facial hair than me. And you were such a whacko. Believing yourself to be an artist. Your art was shit. And your meditation. And the vegetarian thing. You were much older than me. I thought that could be fun. But you got off the bus in the 60s and stayed there. And whats more, your apartment smelled like
Now- I am not the "brightest" star on the planet, and I know majority of you probably say- ya now Callie, not all men are that way.... Funk. That. Noize. I can't even explain how this infuriated me- and those women being called out like that for all the world to see????? This guy needs to have his balls in a grinder........ Lemme calm the hell down..I am done.... THIS is what I have to look forward to when dating. Men that disguise themselves- to prey upon women only to have them do this kind of shit??? Well shmank u very much but I will just stick to ordering dildos and call it a night.
(UPDATE: Apparently mr. Man has deleted his ass trippin Ad.)