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I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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Friday, October 02, 2009

I truly love that song if any of you have ever heard it. I am sure you can youtube it or something. It is called Inner City Blues by Marvin Gaye. I listened to it this morning and it struck a chord you know. With everything going on. Am I the only one right about now that just wishes to just run away? Just escape the daily madness? I sat in my closet for a moment this morning just to regain some sort of peace and quiet. To still my mind and my thoughts. To many I guess my thoughts must seem non important. However out of the many perhaps my thoughts touch 1 or 2 because they also know what I am talking about and what I am feeling. We "relate" so to speak.

I find myself being angry and don't know why. I see people working the system and getting by and I am struggling to do things the right way and get screwed in the ass minus the vaseline so to speak. I have thoughts at times of myself perhaps working the system, but in the end before I would put anything into action or play- I come to my senses and it repeats in my heart- "Hey, whaddya think your doing? Snap out of it- this too shall pass"......and then I go back to doing other things. Is It Just Me?

Being without a job in America is a scary ass situation. I see more and more people branching out doing things on their own than I have ever seen before. I am one of them. I found myself going back to school and now soliciting my services to make ends meet. I cry myself to sleep at times in the stillness of night because I hurt having to tell my son "No honey, you can't do this or that because I don't have the funds right now." It has been a long time since I have been out for myself. Every little cent I get I cling to for dear life in order to make the rent and pay the bills, and somehow still manage to put something on the dinner table. Is it just me?

I do not like the idea of Christmas coming around the corner and me not having a stable job. I do not like the idea of a communist country holding our fuckin debt ready to play russian roulette should someone not want to play by the rules anymore..... I do not like the idea of people that are not citizens of this country that come here and right off the bat get every advantage as I watch my own brothers and sisters have to fight and jump through hoops just to see a doctor. I do not like having to buy tons of school supplies because funding is cut out as part of our childrens education. Is it Just me?

I do not like knowing that each month for a while I have to make decisions on what bill to pay in order to rob peter to pay paul. Is it Just Me? I do not like having people call me on the phone practically half the day giving me their sob stories of the woe is me tale only to dissappear when they have perhaps struck gold- and heavens forbid when you need a shoulder to lean on- they are no where to be found. Is It Just Me?

So- I stick by my realization...... I will not rob, steal, lie to get what I want or need. I will be forthright and honest and continue to believe in my country. I will continue to invest in my countries citizens that have walked in my shoes and continue to walk in them daily until circumstances change. You know the ones.... The farmers that till the soil to provide a crop in hopes that someone driving on that one road will pull over to buy some of their bounty. The local stores that still manage to try and hang on to their livelyhoods by providing if anything- genuine american customer service with a smile and perhaps a story or word of wisdom to brighten your day even though theirs may be hard.

I will continue to keep moving even when I do not feel like it. I WILL NOT BE A VICTIM or STATISTIC. I will continue to rest in Gods word and have faith in what I cannot see- which seems to be the highlight of my life these days. If you ever get to a point in your life or your day where you wonder how two dollars in your bank account multiplies to pay your rent, I suggest you put Him to the test and see for yourself. Oh but wait..... This is just Me right?

As I stated before, I know that there may be one or two that can relate to what I am saying. No need to be ashamed or pretend. I am there with you, and you are not walking alone. I say to you, keep your chin up and keep moving. The road is not at a dead end as of yet. Each day take a breath and know that you are given another chance at doing something spectacular. Take a moment to give a little kindness to someone else. At the end of the day, you never know who may make it to utter greatness and will remember the kindness you bestowed upon them in a time of need.

It isn't just me after all.......It's you too.

~callie