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Saturday, November 11, 2006I went to the grocery store to pick up 2 large cans of ravioli, ( for the boys)some batteries (for my headphones-cd player) you knuckle heads...*laughs* and as I was standing in line, I decided to spare an extra three dollars and I purchased a magazine... I normally don't do that but there was an interesting article on how to decorate on a budget...At any rate- they always have a ladies section that is in some sort of relationship quarry... This particular question was something rather of:
"My husband loves porn movies and I don't. I think they are disgusting and he wants me to watch them with him..What do I do?"
Well, of course the first thing that came to my mind was- "they won't stay married long.." And then I looked at my own situation..It saddened me...I spoke with a male friend of mine last night via chat, and he is such an intellectual spirit, some of his questions posed I could not really answer because I had to ponder them..... I woke up this morning staring at the ceiling, and the answers came to me, in which I am posting now, while they are still fresh in my mind.... Whey Shake in hand.... along with a lemon crunch luna bar!
The tide is changing....and I look at my relationships and at first I carried alot of guilt of trying to understand what I did wrong, what I could have done to make things better...so on and so on..And this morning, it was like, it wasn't you...It was them...I am an artistic creature. I am and can be aesexual as well.... I have been known to go for years without sex...And don't think it isnt because I do not like it..And that kind of bugs me...That was the line my ex husband would run and tell people..."She stopped having sex with me, because she doesn't like it." Well, it never dawned on him that he BORED me...as many times as I told him- tweedle dee could not put it together...... Which is why my title for this blog is What a Girl Wants, What a Girl Needs...Women today have become dependent on themselves...not because we have to- but because men have forgotton how to Give us what we want and need........Example, sex is sex......You find someone attractive, things happen and then it's like.....Wonderment afterwards...The What If's.... We or shall I say "I" am a complex creature...I am also a creature that feeds off of men that can *Mentally* stimulate me.....because of my complexity I get bored easily and in that it can be a challenge for some men..and I am perhaps guilty of scaring men off because of that..... Women today *want* that stimulation.....We want,need, and to feel we are wanted and needed..that excitement, that thrill...And damn if we are going to settle down relationship wise, we expect that along with certain things..There are some that believe a man should take care of them from financially to spiritually.....Some men see that as a gold digger, but the issue is deeper than that..We want an assurance that a man *the* man in our lives will do what needs to be done as a provider.... Make sure the electricity stays on, make sure there is food to eat, roll up your sleeves once in a while and help around the house- things of that nature..For alot of us, it isn't about the jewelry or the "what you can do for me" attitude... it is about what you provide and do for yours to ensure that you are a Man as a whole.......Some Men today- have forgotton what PASSION is.....And I hope he does not mind, but Enigma.......Enigma, Enigma, Enigma.....I cannot say enough about my friend..... (By the way- his link is to the right)....I wish more men that I have known in my life had taken classes from him....That man has passion! He is captivated by a womans mind......He thrives on keeping women unbalanced with never ending thoughts....There have been many times, that I have had to take cold showers from reading his thoughts..He has the type of passion that if you were in a grocery store fidgeting in the oranges aisle, and he came up beside you and started getting into your mind, you would squeeze those damn oranges so hard you would have freshly squeezed orange juice ready! Men- THAT is what we want! We want to be captivated in our minds- and once that is taken watch out because your woman has now become the porn star you have always wanted... I see that about myself... Of course, I hate being alone..Of course I hate not having a partner...But I cannot keep settling for someone that cannot mentally set off my electrons..And yet why did I or do I settle? Is it for money? Ahhhh no....When it gets to points where I have had to work 2 jobs while being married to provide for the household, you can believe I didnt marry someone for money...Is it because of the sex? Ummmm no...because sex can be used as a tool or a chore depending on the situation at hand for me sex became a chore ....Well what was it then? It was the beginning of mental captivation- that was immediately turned off faster than a light switch once the contract was signed...... I hear alot of that by men.....and women......No side is greater than the other. "After we got married everything stopped...." thats what is said right? I have said it....... Women....or *me* thrive off of mental stimulation all of the time....You can be ugly as sin, blindfold a woman and come up to her and whisper in her ear, take her to a different place in her mind, you dont even need to touch her..You can tell by her breathing, her sighs what she likes, what scares her...Where have those men gone???? I think now, I am kind of getting mad because- what has happened now or what is going on now- for men to not be men anymore???? Like the guy and his wife in the above mentioned opening..I see this a few ways...First you dont know who is telling the truth...But for shits and giggles let's just say.... This guy knew his wifes distaste in porn....Let's say he knew *why* she didnt like it, and if he felt the reason was a non big issue- he still felt hope in his desires so he takes it a step further......Our thinking process as womenat times is- "Ewww....he finds those women sexy, ewww...how could she do this or that...Ewwww...I could never... it's wrong" Well yeah- of course she is not going to be into it if she is just coming from tending house, putting kids to bed, and she comes to the living room-bedroom and sees an Al bundy look alike spanking his monkey...Yeah she is going to be grossed out.I would be... BUT- if he had entered her mind in a way of after she has completed her duties as a mother-housewife, and she comes around the corner and sees her house lit by candles, an offer of perhaps a bath in which he bathes her, and then he starts entertaining the notion of him wanting to watch the show with her, and during that time he is *stimulating* her mind, reassuring her-comforting her......It would have been history that night...He would have gotton to work the next day- and she would have lied to him on the phone explaining something about a fire- Just to have him come home so she could ravage him! Where are the men that can do this???? and more so want to??? Whatever happened to stimulating a womans mind by writing her a story or sending her a poem? I am an artistic woman and I am a story, poetry word reading literature freak..Hell I read Sheets and Enigmas stuff just to get off!..*kidding* Just kidding.....But my statement is that- How I would love to have someone pour their soul onto a piece of paper and to tell me that is how they see me, how they feel or how I make them feel about me..Sheets did a poem on his entry a few days ago...He had women melting the pc screen...PASSION i tell you...Enigma has women probably sending him panties in the mail from all over the world..PASSION.... Men- this is what a Girl Wants, what a Girl needs...and once you can captivate her mind, the possibilites are endless.....
And now that I have finished sucking down my chalk shake, and eating my dry luna bar, I am going to go shower and cry because...Damn...you men need to come back around to finding joy again in the way a woman smiles and looks at you, or comforts you when your beer buddies can't........ That kind of Passion and joy, only comes around few times in your lives.....other than that- we all are just hoplessly lost.....