Hello Peeps,

I know I have been gone for a few days trying to figure some things out, and you know what? It didnt happen like I thought it would. I found that I was more lonely and not allowing myself to vent openly, and that I still contain alot of my thoughts inside in hopes that they will unscramble- like eggs.....

So here I go people.. What has gotton me so down lately? Having my heart trampled on mind you after going the extra mile just to have it thrown back at me faster than a Brett Favre pass got it? It angers me, and yes it hurts like a bitch.... My heart literally aches each day, and I need that closure...that final release of confrontation with the heart stomper to tell him to kiss my ass and then some...I want him to hurt just like I hurt..... and then I will remorse over it afterwards because I truly am not a mean spirited person....... and I would feel bad.......but for the moment, I would relish in the thoughts of offering him tea ladened with smooth move capsules, to ensure speedy retreats to the restroom...A few days of cramps, bloating, and bowel spurts should do the trick......

On to better things... My weight program you ask? Sure.....

I started my program officially on October 23- that night...... I went and weighed in on Saturday October 28th and I have lost 7 pounds...... Yes, its good I think...but momma still has a way to go....Other than that I have been working out each day......and I am actually getting the hang of it all.... OMGosh- I must tell you, I envy people that can run.....I have never been a runner...Only when chased mind you and that doesnt happen.... But on my 10th lap of the treadmill, I still felt energetic from the prescribed *crack capsules* and decided that for the remaining half of the lap that I would jog it.. So- I kept clicking on that little plus sign button on the machine and off I went.... Lawd! I hung onto that bitch for dear life..... All I saw were my titties flopping this way and that, my butt was jiggling better than jello, and wouldnt you know it I am huffing and puffing and laughing at myself at the same time while staring in the big glass window at the spectacle....Go ahead- picture that people..laugh your butt off, because I did...But you know what? Momma rode that treadmill and ran it like Flo Jo...............When the little monitor changed to Lap 11 I didnt just stop the treadmill all- I hit the damn STOP on contact emergency button...... I crawled off and had to sit a moment on the bench press chair for a moment to catch my breath- of course the slight heaving did stop along the way....

I think...I am having an emotional melt down, because now I am bluesin about not being *sexy* anymore... you know what I mean? for any men that read my blogs, maybe you dont... I mean you get older-start balding and stuff, and it doesnt matter as much as it does to us..... Well, I am feeling that way... I want to feel sexy, and made into a wanton lust of energy..... Damn it, I want to hear a man tell me that....I mean- it's ok to hear your kid say-

"Mom, you are so pretty..."

yeah- that unconditional love I tell ya....I just want to hear it from a *man*.......... So- here I am going through my stages and emotions...Be patient with me all... I am still here...Maybe not so much in all giddy frames of sugary goodness, but I am here.....

At any rate- thanks for the emails, the comments, the LOVE....

callie