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Monday, November 19, 2007
Ok peeps. So Saturday was my day at the Casino. I will just type the conversations that are fresh on my brain, and of course will incorporate the rest. So...
Saturday-8:30 am I got my first call from the *ringleader*
She- "hi Sweetheart! Are you coming we all are waiting on you!"
Me- "Yes Ma'am I had to get gas, I am en route"
She- "Ok darlin we'll see then!"
I arrived at her house at 9am along with another lady that wanted to go with us. As we get into the ringleaders van, she announces over the hood- "Since your driving, the keys are already waiting on you in the ignition." And off we went. We did stop and pick up her neighbor also who wanted to go and she came bearing gifts of guess what?
Chocolate and Sodas.....
Onward....The drive through the Cherokee Mountains RAWKS SOX people!!! I lurve it..The twists through the mountains, the changing of the leaves, *sighs* Ok...so as I am driving, the conversation was ummmm very...."enlightening"....... I learned that cornbread is best when crumbled in a glass of buttermilk. I learned that having shingles is major sucketh muchly because it is basically a higher level of chickenpox.....I learned that in order to cook a great ham you have to defrost it days in advance......I learned that Beneficial fiber laxative is flavorless and is good in cranberry juice.....and oh yeah.....Taco Bell Rawks with old people, and when hanging out with old people they get free or discounted items and you get them also if your like a tour guide or something...Onward.....
Conversation Number one at the gas station stop for a pee break.
Ringleader...- "How do you get the little gas pump to work?"
Me- "I will get it, go ahead and go to the restroom."
Ringleader..."No darlin you go ahead, I got it!"
So- after all of us went to the potty, and climb back in the van...I notice the Ringleader is not with us, but instead walking to the van with More Sodas and Cookies.... grrrrrrrr.....She gets in and then starts on this interesting topic...
Ringleader: "I don't like men with those long beards that catch food in them like fishing nets."
Ringleader: "The man that helped me pump my gas, he was going on and on about it being his birthday and how lovely the day was..."
Me: "So......your picking up men with scraggly beards huh?"
Ringleader: "Nope. I picked him up and set him loose when I saw the biscuit crumbs in his beard."
Needless to say- I could say no more after that....Onward to the CASINO people. Of course I was hoping to see Daniel Craig somewhere in the flood of old people, but no such luck...I did tell someone I felt like I was in the movie Cocoon. Alas, I get these ladies situated at the slot machines of their choice. I don't know how long it had been since they were there, but they didn't know a damn button from the next. For the first granny, I explained to her what buttons were what, and told her don't EVER hit the Bet Max button or she would lose the whole amount she puts in. She was having problems inserting her 5.00 bill...Even though the phrase "Please insert this way" was above - she still could not manage it bless her heart. So I took her little 5.00 bill, and turned it right side up- said a few catchy phrases- which I think was-
"Big Money Big Money" as I hit her little spin button, and I be damned if the machine lit up! She hit Bar straight across and out came 27.50. Ya would thought she was going in a coronary. Next I got the RingLeader set up- same routine...same ole bill not working right. I said a little catchy phrase for her AND threw in a little dance people for extra measure- hit her spin button, and people....HER machine lit up...She won 11.00....From there I told them both, I am going to be right behind you if you need me ok? Let me know when you guys want to walk to the other side..... PEOPLE. Momma RAWKS!!! I only set aside 25.00 dollars- but hit on every machine I played so basically I played using my winnings.
Ok..back to the grannies....After I played my fill on my slots, I got up to go where they were and they were not there! I walked up and down every section on that side and to no avail nada. My face was a sheer panic. The Casino was too big, there were to many old people- so I caved in and asked security to make a page but as soon as they got ready to- my grannies came bee boppin claiming they were looking for me....yeah...right...Onward..I stuck to them like glue to paper from them on.....We were there for 5 hours...I noticed they were getting a little tired, It was really me though. But...on the very last game for them- I announced I needed to go to the cage and cash out... I turn my back for one moment to cash out -turn back around and they are gone...AGAIN......One is playing black jack, the other lock and roll slots- the other is just sitting on a stool smiling..... After finding them all over again, I took their purses and called game over....let's go....on the way out- the one that was on a stool smiling says to me-
"Sweetheart, is this the game you played?" I said yes Ma'am...She then reaches into her pants pocket, pulls out another 5.00 bill and says- "Play for us and win something." Now- I did tell them over and over no...I have no problem losing my own money at my fault- but not hers... I felt really bad for falling for her little granny coated over the top lipstick smile *you know...when it looks like Joker from Batman smile* and then they all started eggin me on..So..I sat down and started playing...I had 2 spins left and hit bar straight across.....We all cheered, split the cheddar and drove back home....
They wore me out people...I thought I would be able to come back today and tell you all I had a grip and was in control, but I think I got hustled again...by these ladies....Oh but before I end this- this was the best comment I heard that day on the way home.
I was driving us back and in front of us was a car that had their car roof open and all of this smoke was coming out.
ME: "Wow! that is alot of cigarette smoke coming out of that car! I would hate to be in that!"
Ringleader: "Doesn't look like cigarette smoke to me darlin, looks more like pot. Can we get some?"
Granny in the back seat: "yeah looks like it. I heard it smells really sweet."
Ringleader:"Nah it aint sweet smellin, it's very sticky- like tar."
People...I don't even wanna know....
Have a Great Monday!