Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Tuesday, February 12, 2008

    Sorry peeps. I have been gone since Friday of last week and landed myself an honorary kick butt flu bug. Myself along with my kid. But today I am back at work- and here to deliver some goodness to your eyes.
    OHhhhhhhhhhh.... lemme tell ya about my killer weekend. And I am sure Dixie would so approve of this. It is my report entitled:
    "My RedNeck Weekend"
    by: Callie
    You see, my son and I decided we had enough of the city and decided we would hop in my truck- and just high tail it down to the woods of Senoia Georgia to spend the weekend with my crazy best friend Anne... You remember her right? She is the Diva of redneck life. Classy and so refined even when opening a bottle of budlight for her handsome beau whom we all have deemed "Step Daddy"....... Now- contrary to what you might think, I am all about the country life. I live in the city but I am more at home to where I can sit on a porch and listen to crickets chirp a song know what I mean? So- as we are driving- we are passing all of these homes that are set out in no mans land with picket fences, horses, goats....and then what happens? I am on the phone trying to get better directions when all of a sudden not 1, not 2, but 4 of santas deer go bouncing across the hood of my truck! I start screamin because it was broad daylight and they just LEPT out of no where. My son starts screaming because another one leaps out of the woods across my truck hood, and by this time I have announced to Anne that we were having venison for dinner..... I decided at that point 10 mph on a dirt road would suffice.... Getting closer to Anne as we are still on the phone all of a sudden we hit a no signal zone in which I am literally in the middle of no where- with no phone signal... Little man pipes up and says:
    "Back up Mom and call her so we know where to go."
    and I do only to then be told by Step Daddy- "Hey! Keep drivin you should see her ass flagging you down by the end of the road."
    Sure enough, there is the Princess of Gucci and Beer. She is beautiful as always. Nails all manicured toe nails polished red in OPI mind you. And we just hug....It was one of those hugs that told me how much I missed her and being out in the country. Anyways- we get into the house and I am hugged by Step Daddy who immediately offers me a beer. My son meets stepdaddys son and his best friend and they are off like a fart in the wind to do what boys do best... Video Games? errrrr no..not here. While Anne and I are catching up on the day of gossip- I am approached by my son who is new to all of this and he whispers: "Mom, is it ok if I go ride on the dune buggy?" Suuuuuuuuuure I tell him. and off he goes....30 minutes later step daddy gets a call like as if this is normal. "I'll be back baby" he tells Anne-"the boys flipped the buggy and ran out of gas." And I kid you not- he just grabbed his beer his smokes , a gas can, keys, and was gone. The boys flipped that thing and ran out of gas all day... And then when it was time to eat- they opted for a burger on the go- ate and hauled butt back outside this time to go shootin..... Yep....they each had bb guns and my son thought it would be cool to shake cans of soda first- stack em, and then shoot. Soda was everywhere. I think this was E's thing- because I be damned if he didnt just end up shooting marksman. Anne and I decided we would chill in the hot tub and drink wine.... 2 liters and 2 hours later in the hot tub- we were both pretty wasted and night fall had come and we were still sitting out there gabbin- I think this is where I got sick. I stood up from that hot tub and that cold air hit me- and I was done.......
    More wine and chit chat later- I made myself a palette on the floor and zoned out. The boys were still up playing and eating till the wee hours of the night. Ahhhhhhhhh....awesome...Sunday morning Anne fixed this bang up breakfast- we hit the grocery store to where she made some mock fried chicken, and yep.. Beer was the drink of the day. We danced, and laughed... Step Daddy showed us how he likes to -Shake-Lock- and drop..... and then Step Dads best friend came over.... Just the nicest old man I have ever met..... Only problem...I couldnt understand a word he was saying. and Anne knew this because I tried to really pick up on some words, but it just didnt happen because she had to interpret. She then started to laugh hysterically which made it worse. We excused our selves and went back into the house and I pulled her over and said:
    me- "Gurl. I am so not trying to be rude or anything, but he reminds me of that guy on King Of The Hill"
    Anne- "Boomhower"
    a few moments later the phone rings and Anne tells me- "It's for you."
    Well, how can it be for me because no one knew where I was.....
    me- "hello?"
    stepdaddy- "Heeeeeeey hooker, can you grab 2 beers for me and Mike?"
    me- "sure ok..."
    I am out looking in the garage for the cooler - there wasn't any in the fridge- and Anne starts laughing and she says- "lemme show you where the beer is."
    How bout we got back outside on the deck where Boomhower Mike and Step Dad are and the mini fridge is "right there" next to their chairs....... They said they did it to bring us women folk back outside. I dont think so....but ok..... My son then drives by waving as he and another boy are trying to outrun a pomeranian on a golf cart. Boomhower then looks at me and asks if I would mind my son drive his big Dumpster Truck and promises me that he would take good care of him.. I am waving from afar as I watch my child trying to do this- but he opts to just ride because his words were- "I was scared I would hit a house or something."
    All in all- we had a great weekend........ Kids dont get to do what my son did anymore... It's all about the video games.... But I can tell he had the best time- staying out at night until all you saw where stars- flippin go carts-dunebuggies... Learning to drive big wheeled trucks..... On the way home he asked if it was ok if he could be a black-hispanic redneck. I told him he could be anything he wanted to be as long as he was a respectable black hispanic redneck.
    I know..my cheese isnt fully on the cracker is it? *laughs*