Who Is Callie?
I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted.
Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,.
World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt!
Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?
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Saturday, October 10, 2009Just some dumb things floating around in my head ...............
1. I hate McDonalds right now. What the hell happened with the fries that I used to buy years ago that were so tasty and salty and were just great? Now that we have adopted the trans fat deal, the fries and food is trans flat.
2. Bras with underwire. Jimminy Cricket on crack people! My tatas-are causing the bras underwire to move and bend and shit and now the wires are busting out of the material! Pisses me off. Try going to an interview with a wire sticking you in your boob. "Oh sorry Mr. Whateveryourname is, but like you men have to noodle around your balls from time to time, I must noodle my tata back in place and adjust the wire that's poking me. Am I hired?????"
3. Oreos....my favorite cookie in the whole wide world is so expensive for people like me on a budget. I now have to resort to store brand knock offs which aren't as tasty. The last one I dipped in milk soaked up all the milk in one shot and left me with a soggy ass imitation of a cookie mess.
4. Stinky Men.......I wanted to hose a guy down at a WalMart a week ago. He was in the deoderant aisle spraying different types to see what they smelled like and I wanted so badly to refer him to the soap and laundry aisle. And he had the nerve to be carrying around a magazine with some sexy swimsuite Black Love Model on the cover. Gurrrrllllll... If he comes your way RUN.....FAST..Forrest Gump that shit and take off like you were runnin for Jenny!
5. Screamin kids in the stores make me wanna do a double shot of tequilla. I know kids are kids yo. I know this...But ya know...there comes a point in time that when that child is hitting you, throwing stuff out of the buggy, screaming his lungs out because you refused to buy the little jackass a box of Sugar Smacks that you then have to stop what your doing, haul that buggy to the nearest corner of the store where the bathrooms are located, haul that kid out of the buggy and whisk him into that room and just smack the shit out of him. I bet he wont throw another bag of ramen noodles anymore. Yeah I said it. Ole school here peeps! I didn't die when my mom slapped me a few times in public when I decided to trip.
6. Did I mention that I have been cleaning houses lately for some additional income? Yeah......that people in itself is a delicious piece of blog fodder for ya. I don't want to make a career of cleaning houses. I do enough of it at home. However I am at a point in my life where if house cleaning is available then so am I yo! Aint to proud to pick other peoples shit off the floor and scrub their nasty ass toilets. Oh.........someone exploded in one and I had to clean it. I dry heaved about 5 pounds of cellulite off my ass as I dumped a half bottle of bleach. Sorry...I just...well nevermind..........
7. Jacked hair weaves. Look, I myself go for a different look in winter where I want some extra hair and have someone professionally throw some silk yaki blend in my head- HOWEVER when the time comes for you to either remove it or restitch it, at least for all that is Holy, wear it to the best of your availability until you make a decision! Throw a scarf on halfway- add a hairband, add some shine gloss, dippity doo- whatever you have to do to make it presentable.............Don't walk around looking like a hot mess! The "just got up out of bed and threw something on look" is not appealing baybay!!!!
8. Algebra and then some- my son is having a hard time in advanced algebra and had the nerve to ask me to help him.....Riiiiiggggghhhhht. I couldn't sign his ass up fast enough for a tutor. My head hurt after looking at all those x's, and exponents, and a to y factors and....and......aggghhhh.....
9. I dreamed I married LUDA! I know...I am a sad state of affairs. I know this! But....dayum...I lurve me some LUDA! It used to be LL Cool J, and The Rock....but....eh... I go through phases. That's what us single 30 somethin year olds do.
10. Did my loyal readers notice that I have been bloggin for your entertainment- my sanity for 4 years now???!!!!! I think a party is in the mix. How bout for my birthday next year??? I would love nothing more than to meet some of you!!!! Holla!!