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Saturday, December 15, 2012I think I am either of the two. Prejudiced, or Racist? I know we all have prejudices..or some of you will say: vices... It sounds more acceptable doesn't it. And yet there is a difference. We say we do not tolerate discrimination. bigotry. and yet we opt for what makes us comfortable. And denounce ourselves for being hypocrites.
And yet upon the first Presidential Election of Barack Obama, we watched our nation and the world take sides. We watched blatant remarks from our Politicians as they slung mud against our Leader and those wanting to lead. What brings me to this point you may ask? I think it mainly started with my profession as a personal caregiver for the elderly. Majority of us that do this work are of color. We are either Black, African, Hispanic caring for elderly "white" persons. I never thought I would say this but there is a difference. If I were to be working in a hospital wearing possibly scrubs and a stethoscope alongside a Dr. I may get better respect. However because i do not work in a hospital I am still doing duties of a nurse. however there is a catch. Though I may do those duties I also do the cooking...the cleaning.. the laundry....the bill paying....errands... I am living the life of one of those characters from that book The Help. I am told what restroom I can use. Where I may not sit or relax. I am addressed not to other patients and their family members as The Nurses Aid, but that of- The Maid.. or the other day "The Gal that does the work that I cannot do." and today, after years of doing this I am feeling.... angry.... I am not appreciated and feel that I should be. Now don't get it twisted. I didn't say I obligated. I said appreciated. and or respected.
So, on this day and I say this day because tomorrow I may feel better, but today I am wrestling with so many emotions. I find myself wanting to know more of my family history, wanting to know more about people of color whether they are black, Hispanic, Asian, native American, Pakistani- what ever. I am finding myself using resources on the Internet to teach me things because when you look back at it, in school we are fed a lot of shit and never took the time to continue searching out the truth. I don't know. I don't expect you to understand because I don't understand, but I can only say how I feel in this moment.
And then there is this despair or sadness. This issue with what just happened in Connecticut. Now....THIS is a tragic tragic chapter in our history. And yet dissect the media and listen to what is told and being said. "The young man was troubled. The young man may have had a history of mental illness. The young man has a mental illness." etc etc. and yet....If this happened by a person of color...Do you think it would hit the airwaves as a young man with a mental illness? The father the other day who carves a pentagram in his 6 yr.old sons back because he was so fucked he thought 12-12-12 was a Holy Day and he wanted to embellish that into his sons heart.... He is now being diagnosed by the media as "Mentally disturbed".....do you think a person of color, male, would get that same kind of sentiment.? I know...I am saying to much aren't I? I am waking the conscience. Disturbing the peace of Christmas.
Ok. I will let those of you squirm some in silence ...... I on the other hand will continue to walk this path of questions, of soul searching....