Who Is Callie?
I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted.
Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,.
World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt!
Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?
 
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007 First of all- I just love my gas station... If you do not have a QT in your neighborhood you should petition for one. The services and the speed of getting you in and out is awesome, AND it is the Home for the Big Gulp... At forty-nine cents I can sip on a Big Gulp of my favorite soft drink with *free* added flavorings, OR I can just endure a major brain freeze by enjoying a wintry Bart Simpson slurpie on a hot summers day. People..that RAWKS.... Onward- I stop in to my local QT after work where things are slow, and one of my favorite cashiers is there and as she and I are talking in walks- *POWDER* for those of you that have not seen the movie years ago it was about this guy who somehow was struck by lightening and was able to move things around- and attract magnetic items...I don't know..it was a sleeper for me..Anywho- POWDER was white as powder and not a stitch of hair! Hence the reference to powder... Apparently Ms. Cynthia knew this gentleman because this was the conversation- "My Lord, what happened to your hair?" (he had none...did he have some before?) Him- "Yeah well, my roommates jokingly did this to me for something I did, they put Nair all in my shampoo bottle." Me- "Dude, I would sue" Him- "Naahhh...besides I can't. they are my roommates." Me- "Sir, pardon me for butting in, but you losing your hair, could have been more serious because it could have taken your sight. They took a chemical based product and harmed you...I am so sorry...." Him- "Yeah, well....It will grow back..." I left..People, this poor guy had no hair, no eyebrows all because of a joke...See he needed me as an attorney..I would have thrown charges against his roomies for Bodily Harm, Emotional Distress, and Financial hardship. The judge would have looked at me and said Ms. Callie, what is the charge of financial hardship? I would reply: "Your honor, if it pleases the court may I approach the bench to explain why my client has had to endure Financial Hardships?" of course he would agree cuz face it, I roll like that, and I would have gone on to explain the following- My client had to spend hundreds of dollars at Lenox Mall at the Mac Counter for make up aids to cover his blotched skin on his head My client had to spend hundreds of dollars seeking therapy against not killing his room mates My client had to seek professional services of *said drag queens* who ordered a special hair piece in which was used to at least make him eye brows- which they pain staking snipped, trimmed and arched, and applied with spirit glue People, Powder would have walked out a millionaire...Some jokes, are no longer jokes when your body is harmed..Funk that noize. When I got home last night and did my routine of checking home work, having my son re-do homework, make up homework for him, cook and wash dishes, I then settled down for a moment to watch the highly anticipated documentary of "A Man Among Wolves" on National Geographic... I had seen the ad's on the net- and marked it on my calender... Well needless to say as my son and I started watching it, it was really intriguing and yes, I am a woman and I was somewhat turned on by watching this tall buff man rolling around in a landscape of wolves showing his Alpha maleness..It was sexy..and he was kinda sexy- cute in a Tristan of Legend of the Falls type of way.... And then the ultimate let down and turn off.... My son and I watched in awe at this man expressing his dominance over these wolves...And then they showed a clip not the full version *YET* of him establishing the dominance of meal time..Who eats first, then second...and what parts....Ok..no problem..so I say to my son... "E, can you tell what he is eating because his hands are cupped and I cannot see." Him- "I think- maybe beef jerky or something." Me- "Dude, I don't know.." (me putting my tired mind to logical thinking) "See, if he is around wild wolves, and trying to establish dominance, he cannot just bring outside food in around them...besides, he has blood on his hands." And then ladies and gents. they proceed to show the meal time issue...Basically this hunk of a man slit open some type of animal.....reached in the stomach area and pulled out all of these innerds, grabbed the liver, and kidneys, slightly cooked the liver and kidneys, stuffed them *back* into the carcass, took this animal back to the pack- reopened it and started munching. People if I had a Depends diaper I may have peed myself. Sexiness went out the window! All in all though it was an awesome look at man co-existing with nature..Albeit a tad out of the box... Talk about Dances With Wolves. Other than that, as you can see Diva and I along with any other Piratesses are going on vacation in September...Destination now- Jamaica...Ok..I was really wanting to do the cruise since everything was there, but I can handle being on a beach or at a swim up bar. So the task now for me is to decide *where*.....There are not many kool places in Montego Bay, alas I heard of Hedo 2 and 3, but you know.... First of all, I may talk alot...ALOT of booyah about this and that- but I would not be able to keep a straight face being there..First I would be laughing to hard at all of the penises floppin about...AND I would be uncomfortable because people would perhaps think I was interested in getting laid..And that is soooo not what I am wanting or needing or looking for..... I digress mon cherie, we are just going to find trouble at a regular Holiday Inn, because momma is not about to participate in the Nude Disco, Nude Volleyball, and the Toga Bare as you Dare party...I just do not have the strength or straight face to venture that way. Until then, may your Tuesday be a good one...and someone send me a joke. |
