Who Is Callie?
I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted.
Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,.
World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt!
Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?
 
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Friday, July 18, 2008 Before I begin this post I just wanted to tell you all that have been commenting: "YOU CRACK ME UP" and Pete- your turning into a little freak. hehehehe you are too funny... KimmyK- thank you for stopping by and leaving me a comment. It is most appreciated and I am glad I made you laugh.Now- for the SERIOUS tones...Once again- this may seem harsh and perhaps a few harsh words that may burn your ears- but bare with me ok? My counselor is on vacation and the only other place for therapy is "here"...So.. Here goes. It is no secret that I think men are dogs. This is of course comes with repeated let downs. I have acknowledged that I have a problem, and I have been seeking therapy about it, as well as listening to all of your comments, and advice. Yep! I listen and I do take your advice- or if anything seriously think about what you all say and apply as necessary. So- within the last few years I have been engaging in deep thoughts and conversations as to how I got to this place in my heart, as well as what all transpired to put me here. And let me just say- I plan on writing a book and it will sell, and you all will come and visit me on some swank island where each person will have their own room and butler. Lurve me people. I don't forget my friends! So- lately, I have been catering to me. Actually this past months I have been in that mode. Taking care of me in every aspect- learning about me, or as sweet Seraphine says- Finding my way. Last night, I got dressed up- and I mean I was hot..Not slutty hot, but Hot as in tempting. I went to the Salsa outlet, ordered a coke, grabbed a seat and watched the "So you Think you can Dance" people on the floor make complete asses out of themselves.. (That is for another post mind you) Anyways, as I am sitting there laughing my butt off this handsome guy walks up to me and starts talking...making small talk... and yeah- if a guy is cute I have no problem saying it. He was very handsome...German- toned..He said he played Rugby for years and now does boxing as a hobby. Lives here in Atlanta, yada yada. He then asks- "May I buy you a drink?" I told him sure and that I was drinking coke. First of all- it seemed like a big shock because he kept asking if I was sure... Ummmm yeah I am sure...So he goes to get the coke. comes back and sits down and "brushes" against my back with his hand and says- "Your skin is so soft--like a babies.." ok....So I just kinda laugh. He then asks if I want to hear a joke. I agree..He then goes into this lame joke about a rabbit lost in the woods who makes a deal for directions with a fox. The fox basically tells the rabbit you can have directions if you have sex with me. This happens a few times and the rabbit gets upset...This guy then leans into me and says "Do you want to know how the rabbit gets out? You know what you need to do. Now- I "really" have been taking into consideration everyones input about how perhaps mean I am to men, so I politely looked at him and told him..."This rabbit was not lost and if I were, I have a cell phone." He then said it was time to go- and he left....... What really set me off was the fact that a really cool song came on later and I wanted to dance. So- I took a chance, and went up to this guy that was dancing by himself and I asked if he would like to dance with me....... This fucker, rubs his hands together, leans towards me and says: "WHY?"..........People........I had a few choices that I needed to make in a second of how to respond to this....So- I didn't say anything. I just walked out of the bar. I got to my truck and cried. I cried because I was so emotional- all of the feelings that I have been working on and through, tons of forgiveness and so much more, and in that moment, it all resurfaced. The validation of myself as a woman, the anger of men in general, the rage of wanting to just go back in there and bitch slap him for not only giving me a bitch answer, but for having power over me in a way- to use for his own validation of self worth for whatever reasons, or purpose. I got home last night and pondered that......... How is it that people, have just come to a point of such cruelty to others that it feels so good to them that they continue doing it? I thought about all of the ways that I could have just sunk to his level and made him my breakfast-lunch and dinner in one seating. And then I thought about it this morning and the question that came to my mind was: "Was it a test of my growth, and if so did I pass?" Sure, it may be easy to say "OH Callie, it's ok- no worries..." but it does matter...It matters to me because I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to be a bitter person against another gender forever. My heart, my being as a person is not condtioned for that kind of life. to anyone for that matter....So- again- I sit here this afternoon sippin on a Wendys Frosty and I am heavily in thought...Thought as in to get dressed tonight- go back out into the world and say "hey I am still here" or to just ponder ways of living life without someone to share it..... It blows ass doesn't it? ~callie |
