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Wednesday, November 29, 2006You All, the dreaded letter was in my mailbox when I got home yesterday.
"Dear Ms._________, This is a reminder that your annual Colonoscopy is now overdue.Please contact our offices to schedule your next Doctors appt. for outpatient testing services."
The Hell I will people! Look- this is what they did to me that last time- *click* on the highlight text. ANAL EXPEDITION.... People....let me just say that being a woman, we are- at least I am used to having people poke and prod and stick things all in my vagina...However I must interject when it comes to someone threading a plastic hose through my ass and possibly to my throat...
I went through this experience 3 years ago, and never went back... Although I was told I had to have it done each year because of their findings..I digress..I don't think so... See this is what happened to me... I had been sick- and I had all of these referrals to see certain specialists.. The last recourse was this procedure..And who none other to do this??? Doogie Howser... He was a young doctor, tall like he should have been playing basketball instead of playing with peoples butts.... I scheduled my appointment for the procedure, and went to the office to pick up my *kit*...OK....*kit* of what to do with this??? It was a bottle of liquid, a pack of suppositories, and a pack of laxatives... What am I going to do with all of this?????? She gives me my kit and a piece of paper with instructions... One thing that I notice is- *Start at 3:00 pm*
Ok- no worries. I get home and fumble through my kit and decide..Take the liquid first. If that doesnt work- the pills..Last option- suppositories... They didnt tell me that the liquid tasted like Castor Oil...It took a few hours for me to do the half of the bottle...My son on the other hand thought it was funny watching my gag and hurl in agony...A few hours later, I found myself dry heaving from my butt hole- with beads of sweat pouring down my face begging God to take me home. I struggled at 9pm to take the rest of the liquid shot mix, and shall we say the rest of the night was history. It was soooo bad I had to put a sleeping bag in the tub so I could make it to the toilet without mishaps..I didn't get any sleep that night, and checking in at 6am the next morning was not any better... Upon getting into my room- the nurse brings me my little peek a boo gown with matching footies...She then tells me she will be back to start my IV...So here I am in this bed, watching tv- waiting...An hour later, she comes back and does my IV...I then decide that was the time to ask...
"So, what really goes on with this procedure?"
People right after she finished I was in tears....bawling tears... All I could remember her saying was- tube-anus-intestines-long-plastic-hours-anus...By then she hit like a panic switch to the nurses station and another nurse and my doctor came in to try and console me..I begged-pleaded..Even told them they had the wrong person.... After they calmed me down, I was whisked away on my stretcher to another room.....The nicest young man was in there..He was so nice...He took some more information from me and jotted it on his little clipboard chart *which by the way were decorated in rainbows, butterflies, and I Love Duran Duran* He smiled and asked me if I was scared...
"yes...very..." I started to cry again..He then takes my little hand and says- "You will be fine- I am going to give you something to help you relax." He gave me something in my IV but I think fear was kicking it's butt because I was still keyed up. Another room...I am wheeled into another room...THE ROOM PEOPLE...the room with the Tv monitor, the operation tray- the cold frigid room...They help me onto the main table and I lay down...This nurse comes in and she is cathy damn chatty wanting to know my name, all about me....She then pulls out this machine and some coiled device- all the while she is popping chewing gum and talking...I sit halfway up and ask-
"Oh baby this is the tube we are going to insert into your rectum and I am hooking the camera device so the doctor can see whats going on."
Here we go again- I only heard certain words, and this time I am in a crying hysterical fit.. She hits another panic button, and the same nice man from before hurries in and smiles *he is always damn smiling*- he tells me not to cry- gets my hand with the IV and...............................
I have someone standing over me shaking me....
"Wake up, Wake up"
I wake up and I am in my room....
"What's wrong???" I ask...
"Nothing honey, time for you to get dressed.. We called your ride and they are on the way."
"So- does this mean I don't have to do this???" I am happy..groggy but happy...
She laughs- "Sweetheart, we already did it..You have been in recovery for 2 hours now." My ride comes, takes me home, tucks me in bed and sleep away I did...Until the next afternoon...
The Doctor didn't tell me that after the procedure what ever they did and injected hardened my bowels inside...7 suppositories later, all was well again..... Yes they did find something... Polyps..
7 of them... They were benign... (7 is a great number)
Get SCREENED....cause you never know.......and if anything- request what they gave me...You will *feel better*........