Who Is Callie?
I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted.
Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,.
World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt!
Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?
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Thursday, February 22, 2007Oh My sweet Elvis in a rhinestone suit it has been one hellacious morning people! I kid you the hell not! And because you all such blogger feins I decided who better to vent to for free than to you all ? I know I know you dont have to thank me... *LOVE. ME. PEOPLE*
First of all for some of you lurkers or newbies, I am an easy going person. Hell when I wake up in the morning I am one of the 90% folks that give that morning boost to boost others on. Think I am lying??? Diva calls me at work everyday and thinks I am a morning cheerleader for petes sakes! So people- allow me to introduce to you my morning.
Check. This. Out.
6am- I get a call from someone that I would rather not speak to... Do they know this already? Ahhh yeah! Duh! First of all as I told him, your time is done with me..There should be no reason for you to call and start blubbering about how you love me and wahh wahh wahh. It is over..Finished..Grab your saggy balls and move on- because I have already closed the book almost a year ago....
7:15am- I am walking into a gas station store to pay for my fuel, when all of a sudden I am having to dodge a SUV- who is continuously backing out in my direction and literally nearly hits me... I had been yelling- Whoa Whoa Whoa- and doing the little airline signals, but she still was cruising back into me, so reflex action- I tapped her back window with my hand.... She stops, I walk around her vehicle and this is what took place... *Keep up people*
*She rolls down her window*
Me- Ahhh Maam, thanks alot for almost hitting me, I tapped your glass to try and get your attention.
Cow- Oh bitch then why you walking in the back of me?!
Me- You know what? You need to first of all slow your roll and remove the tongue piercing because you are sounding like a ghetto fabulous cow eating curds and whey right now!
*she then opens her truck door and steps out*
Me- Oh- please tell me you are not getting out of your truck to do something! *yeah-sarcasm is a mofo! RECOGNIZE*
Cow- Like I said bitch, you shouldnt have been walking behind me!
*At this moment GUESS who or what drives up? I swear people I must have a police radar heat seeker built somewhere in my ass because that is who drove up- and rolled their window down.*
Police- Ladies, is there a problem?
She and I agreed and said no- and parted ways.. I went in to pay for my gas, and listened to the friendly cashiers discuss how she almost hit me, at the same time we are watching Ms. Cow try and put gas in her bus... Why do I say the word "try"? because she was driving a bid and win vehicle and did not know that her gas tank was on the opposite side of how she parked...Dumbass......
So- I am back on the road again, and I am calming down until this.........First of all people and new drivers....A little Color Code basics.... Red means stop.....Yellow means pause a little, but get the hell on fast because you may get hit...Green means go....
Little Ms. Avon in the car in front of me! Yes you! The light is green and the traffic in front of you has runnoft! That means you need to stop putting on makeup and drive!!! Because of this stupidity- I am being nearly humped and slammed by 2 cars behind me.. So I honk on my horn to flag her on... Do you know this girl- drove and then stopped to a slow crawl to piss me off???
People.....At this moment in time I am feeling like this guy right here- CRANK
of course without the additional adrenalin, but damn it I am already flowing with a liquid multi vitamin, and a thyroid pill to make my boobs bigger- and this is all coursing through my veins on an empty stomach! So yeah, I am a tad hyped...
But what really gets me- is that as I am getting ready to make a left hand turn, I put on my blinker and do you know Ms. Avon decides in her feeble brain- to really egg it on- she hugs the lane she is in AND swerves in front of me to cause me to swerve- only to jump back in her lane and hit her gas pedal so I could not catch up to her.
So- I got into work finally , grabbed my breakfast, and now here I am voila! Not only am I better, *really I am * but this therapy per bloggerism is the shit!
Have a great Thursday all- the weekend is a grasp away.