Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Friday, December 07, 2007

    Yo! Tis the season to beat some ass, Falalalalalala people! I am over it like trying to give a blow job to a penisless man. This...is why...Hold on cause I had to wipe a bead of sweat from my arched brow....
    PARKING- There are some rules that some of you need to abide by. First, do not honk at me when I am behind someone else- mainly 15 thousand more vehicles that are waiting for a parking spot. It is not my fault that other people are waiting to squeeze into a spot and there is no way for me to go around! You jackass! Sit and wait in line just like everyone else! Sip your cafe au freebie, gab on your worthless prepay phone and wait!
    Christmas Decor- For the love of frosty the snowman on a bullriding machine! Putting up the lights does not mean stringing lit cords from bushes over the river and through the woods past grandmothers house you went! It does not mean putting up a false baby Jesus manger and adding cabbage patch dolls with the 3 wise men bearing gifts of coors light, and it does not mean using blow up condoms to replace the tree ornament balls that a cat got a hold of. Go and drive around neighborhoods in the upper parts of Atlanta and steal some ideas...Not their decor mind you, but at least make it a night time drive by and learn a little sumethin on decorating for the holidays. It doesn't take much..In your cases in the above mentioned scenarios Less is Best. Go for the Charlie Brown tree and decorate that scary item by using big bushy volumes of garland. Something!!!!
    Mall Shoppers- I do not like shopping with you all. I like you, but I do not like shopping with you... First you walk to slow and talk on the phone at the same time and expect people to just waddle behind like a stream of ducks...... No. Move out of my way or I will hump you into the new year! When you *know* and this is what kills me, they know when people are behind them because the pedestrian traffic starts to look like a conga line, and they go slower and talk to whomever it is they are chatting with and just expect the world to go at their pace. Funk that noize! I will ride you into the ground to the point that you will feel my breath on your neck. Yes..that close....Keep it movin!
    To Give a Gift or To Give A Bad Gifter people- If you have no idea what to give someone give them a gift card to Walmart. The store is universal AND someone can find something even if it is a pair of socks....Do not go the extra mile and buy a freakin fruitcake....And you *know* the ones I am talking about...The ones that are from WalMart or perhaps your own freezer in which you scored 25 of those logs at the price of 5dollars... I do not eat fruitcake and I hate the dried up 15 year old pieces of fruit in them! Give a Card....Give a gift card...But skip the fruitcake.
    People this is only a few quirks...I am sure some of you can contribute for todays blog. So Git Er Dooooone!