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Saturday, May 03, 2008Some of you, not all are a bit frazzled and confused with regards to the comment thread about my supposed dating partner. So- let me edumucate you all in Callie 4th grade version with a little dash of Adult spice in the mix.
I have known this guy for a year. We hang out every now and then and he seems to be nice.... Because he and I had been hanging out alot more I asked him what he was thinking, wanting, what was going on- because after all, I needed to understand for my own benefit. Granted his response was- he wanted to date me because he liked me alot..... Well, I in my own frame of thought, responded with a simple "ok"......Not that I accepted that answer whole heartedly because of different factors ONE of those being because he is Mexican and does not comprehend some things that are said- and needs certain ways of presenting our thoughts........ He did in fact kiss me, and I was caught off guard. I did feel a little uneasy about it, but agreed within myself that I would just let it stay at that level until I got my feelings sorted and knew where his feelings were at.
After that episode, he decided when he last came over and we watched a movie, that he would not only kiss me, but also incorporate his hand up my blouse and under my skirt, in which I told him many times to stop and I finally slapped his ass into oblivion and he left all pissed off.....NOW- it seems that Erebus- one of my readers seems to differ with my approach and therefore insists in a way that I led this guy on. In my defense I asked Erebus how that can be when I expressed to this gentleman at the moment he said he liked me, that I was NOT about the sex thing- I needed time to learn about him etc etc.......
Erebus- seems to feel and think that "dating" means after some point having sex with someone. He also feels that if sex is not involved by a certain time, that the other person is not interested.
And yo- Erebus if I am wrong thus far about what I am understanding then please by all means, let me know- because as it stands right now, and with what you have posted on your blog, this is what I comprehend thus far.
I on the other hand think something totally different. I personally am not sexual because I want something more- and to me, sex does not guarantee that someone has an interest in "you". If anything it is just another tool for someone to use you in sorts. Been down that road and "I" choose not to go back down that path. There are MANY avenues to initmacy and different ways you can show your interest in someone without sleeping with them. For someone to tell me I am wrong in my method of dating is simply an opinion- albeit it won't mesh with someone elses idea of dating, but hey- we are all different and whatever works for an individual will not work for all. I myself would rather have enough dignity to say to someone "You know, this is where I am in my life, and this is how I feel. If this is something you cannot handle and or do not want to be a part of- I respect you in telling me now- than to string me along." This is always the case and I have been told by men straight out that they would not date me because I was not so called putting out. And you know what? That is fine with me. Because to me, they are not worthy of capturing the ultimate gift which is my heart.
I feel that in todays society Men have forgotton or dont know anymore of how to chase a woman for her heart. Instead it is the capture of her loins in order to make him feel like a man. For women, some have just never been fortunate to experience the thrill of being chased for all of who she is, and instead has felt it necessary to sleep with a man in order to get his affection. This is of course is my mind racing and my thoughts being pounded on a keyboard at rapid speed as I try and touch on how I am feeling at this moment.
I never said I was perfect and that I was Ms. All that. I am in fact a woman that has known nothing but hurt where as men are concerned and basically I just got to a point of being tired with them, as well as myself for allowing my heart to be broken because I at one time did not know how to value who I am. At this moment in my life.......and I do mean this with all sincerity even to those that know me personally, and perhaps a few of those that I have dated that come here to spy on me from time to time........ I will say this and let that be that............
For those of you that I have known (men) I have carried around alot of anger and hurt. You violated me in ways that caused me such utter brokeness and my tears over flowed continuously. I am at a point now in my life where I want you all to know I forgive you for that. I forgive you and release you to a life of your own torments for how you select women by preying on them and then using them for your selfishness........ It is done, I have released it.
To those of you (men) that feel I am wrong in how I am dating, I will not apologize for that to you or anyone else. You see, I have no need in building you up. I have no hidden agendas to boost your ego nor will I sacrifice my being to boost your self esteem. If you are not confident enough in yourself to be a man- then you dont need me. and that is fine......Someone out there that will read this will answer the call to step up to the plate, and seek more than whats between my legs.
Erebus, I understand in some what of a quirky way of what you are saying, however my question to you is simply this.... "How has your way of dating been treating you lately? Perhaps you might want to re-evaluate what your worth is and have a woman strive for your heart as well." It works both ways my friends.
And that...is where I leave this....