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I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I was thinking the other day as I was explaining something that I experienced that I was "fearful".....Well, ok let me back up some...... I agreed to go out for a friendly outing with a male. I know him- he is my neighbors best friend, and one day out of the blue he calls and says "Eh, you wanna go get some chicken wings and beer?" and I don't ever turn down chicken wings and an ice cold beer in a mug so I said sure. And then it hit me. I literally started to dial him back and tell him no. I was terrified to go. But I still went. And I guess it was apparent that I was nervous because wouldn't you know it, I dropped the beer in my lap somewhat and had to make a mad dash to the restroom to dry off.

All the while I was fretting in my mind- not how good the food was or how much fun I was having, but of "Oh God, please don't let this guy think we are dating, Please don't let this guy try and kiss me or hug me...Please......" and the list went on. When he dropped me off I made a mad dash out the truck- (so quick in fact that a sandal fell off) and ran into my apartment. Now- this is my fear.......... I have been burned and hurt so much in relationships that I am terrified to date again...truly...I mean anxiety beads of sweat. I have no problem hanging out with people in big groups and things of that nature, but I just wig in situations such as the one mentioned above. And yet the flip side.. I don't want to be alone.. I don't want to go through my life without someone of the opposite sex being there for me....make sense?

ok....so..whats your fear? your response? am I just weird?

~c