Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Tuesday, November 24, 2009

    I am sitting in my patients room as I watch her sleep. I have been up throughout the night as I listened to her cough and choke at times on her own saliva. She looks so different than last week. She has yet awaken to allow me to give her a good washing in which afterwards I would make light jokes and tell her that I was going to sprinkle warm snow on her skin so she can feel fresh and clean.....In actuality, it's baby powder.

    You see one of my patients has full blown alzheimers. I recall telling people that it would scare me to repeat the process of having kids again. That it would take a really good man to make me go back on that quote, and then I became a mother all over again but this time I would be a mother to an 85yr. old whose eyes were just as curious as that of a younger child. She no longer knew her surroundings. She became afraid and would cry if feeling rushed or tugged on. She would look at me and stare and tell me she didnt know how to do things and would ask me to show her...And in the midst of all she would still look at me and say: "Thank you sweetheart" or "I love you." At times she would ask me to hold her hand and when I did she would move it up to her lips and would kiss it........

    Today I sit in front of her bed as I watch and listen at her labored breathing. Her skin no longer has that glow- but I am hell bent on having her lay in her bed feeling discomforted. I washed her up....I found the softest cloth that I could find and filled her basin with warm soapy baby bath water...I lifted her tiny arms and legs as I watched for signs of discomfort or pain....... afterwards I lotioned her thin tissue like skin and sprinkled warm snow on her skin......Perhaps for the last time........ followed by drops of morphine to comfort her through any anxiety.

    I do not know how I ended up in this profession. I can only say that I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of someones passing through this life, only to truly live again in the next. I have to be strong for now...No tears- at least for anyone to see right now....I have her husband that needs to be consoled...Saying good bye to his best girl of 64 years is hard.....Being alone for the holidays, without having her smile to grace him- is heart wrenching............

    I will keep you all posted. Until then...