Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Tuesday, July 19, 2011

    Lookie here...I don't know what you have been told but have I ever discussed how meaningful my job is amongst the bullshit???? Lemme take a moment out of my gator-ade drinking (cuz I mean, it's only a gazillion degrees here in the A.T.L. and my boobs stuck to my bra from all the sweating regardless of how much talcom powder I used to keep them from sticking, I was still able to throw my bra against a wall and it stuck.) ok back to my topic of how I lurve, lurve lurve my job people.......Truly I do..........however....as any good samaritan at times, I wish I would just die at some of things I do to help someone....

    Case in point....I went fishing in deep-sewage people...I was like.....Rambo...Remember when in part one he was captured by the bad people and they like semi hog tied him to this thingy and I guess they were wanting him to meditate on some things and dumped him in that sewage pit of pee and poop? Yeah....that was me...Except it was a classier version...So it went like this....I am sitting in my office doing paperwork and I get the call....

    Boss Secretary: Hey....can you go to Ms. so and so and find out why she keeps calling us she isnt even one of our patients...

    Me: Ok...I will call you back....

    knock knock knock... Me: "Hello? How are you? I was told to stop by to see if there was something you needed?"

    Her: ummmm...Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh....Ummmmmmm.....I.....Ummmmmm*At this point I have already scoped her apartment and noticed the 20 bottles of pills that I can sell for new tires and have figured out she was high which accounts for her hooked on phonics of speech slur*......... I....ummmmmmmm...need someone to change my toilet pot...It has been like that since yesterday afternoon.......

    I survey the room and look it at from afar as if it was a danger mission of a task....I excused myself for a moment and called home base...

    Me: Hey....she wants and needs her toilet emptied..I dont know where her personal nurse is but if I do it Im charging her...what say ye?

    Secretary: Go for it....

    I go back to her apartment, glove up and proceed to her bomb and while walking towards it I tell her to start writing out a check...........I get to this ladies toilet and OMGeeeee- Jimminy fluckity fluck people I lifted the lid and dry heaved.......I slammed the lid back and looked at ms. thang and then told her...

    Me: Look....you, like Houston..have a problem and I need to call mission control.....

    She looks at me dumbfounded and says:

    her: What's wrong?

    Me: What's wrong is that not only do you have a half bucket full of feces and urine, but you have disposable gloves in the mix. I cant flush that down your toilet. It will back flow and I dont do carpet cleaning...So...this is one job I dont think I can do.....

    I tell her give me a few moments... I go back to my office call mission control and tell them the situation. They tell me not to worry about it let the nurse handle it if she ever shows back up.....I have a sit down in my ergonomic chair, look out the window and ponder and I ask myself the "How would I want someone to help if they could my relative if in that situation..." So......I call mission control and tell them I will handle it somehow...She starts screaming... "Noooooo Waaaayyyyy"...............but I put on my big girl panties and started the mission of pee and poop fishin... "I aint lyin"..................So............

    I go to a couple of floors and ask if anyone at the nurses station have any bio bags....All engineering could lend me were bio extra duty cinch saks....Ok.....it will have to work...So I triple bagged.....then went on the look out for something to go fishing with....All I could muster up were plastic disposable salad thongs......It was in a spork design....I triple gloved, sars masked, and went to do battle people....

    I took everything in her bathroom and proceeded to fish.....literally......I fished out all of the disposable gloves into the hefty bags....flushed everything else down the toilet.....nearly created a bomb by using way to much clorox to sanitize, *which by the way my peeps is this whores best friend....* but before I could call it quits as I felt myself beginning to dry heave I was headed out but my eyes averted to the corner of the toilet bowl and I saw that there were still some floaties and before I knew it i added my own fish food and threw up right on the floor missing the toilet myself by an inch or two.....Thank God I had mr. clorox.....Thank you thank you..Amen......

    I completed the task of cleaing the additional poo pee throw up mix, picked up the check and rolled the hellup outta there people......

    See????? people like me wont let your loved ones down....!!!!! I dont know what you've been told but I do love my job....most of the time....I aint lyin............jus sayin yo............