Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Tuesday, October 09, 2012

    I have given up on men. No really.. If you would read my many versed topics of discussion throughout the years I have come to the realization that I am to be a nun. They have non virgins! I have just had to let that shit sink into my head.. I think by chance I also heard Gods voice *which in my mind sounds like James Earl Jones* and he said "Nooooooo....the force is not with you Callie" and it kinda scared me and I think I cried but sucked up the snot bubbles and reconciled as I threw deuces up into the sky and said: "Youre right God-James Earl Jones"...... Now don't get me wrong. I love men. and I have given men the opportunity to meet me.. But I also think part of me did that to be nice OR I am just desperate for adult male conversation for a change because I have gone out with some men that you all would have slapped me for.. Like the one guy from Africa..I mean truly. How many times did I tell you all that I would not go out with an African because they were crazy. end of story. and I did..and he was tall and gorgeous from the back and face to face over coffee I couldnt help but notice one eye went east and the other went waaaay west and I felt it distracting. And I couldnt understand his verbal skills in some areas, and when he got a phone call from a relative how I couldnt help but laugh because it sounded exactly like the little african child from that one South Park Episode.

    And oh yeah, the one guy that looked like a GQ model that I had been conversing with for a month that I met for breakfast *that he volunteered to cook* threw me out of his house because I wouldnt put out...Yeah that was a first for me. I got put out for not putting out. I bought my own breakfast that day.

    And oooooh one of the best ones so far. The one that showed up at the Red Lobster looking like he just auditioned for SuperFly and wore a pimp daddy suite, talking all loud bout how "I jus loooove me some scrimps and lobstah baby!" and how I started to sulk in my booth because he broke his cheese biscuits apart whilst flashing his big rings on each finger and cocaine fingernails- and told me how he was a Prophet-Preacher and I wasn't ready for the word he had to share..So..because I am one to listen I stuck my foot in it and asked..And he proceeded to tell me the stories from the Bible but in his version of jack and jill...and lest we not forget how  during slurps of his beer and cheese bread how he has out of body experiences all the time..and then his phone rang.. "Yo man im out wit a fiiiine lady right now whatcha need? Nawww maaan! I can't meet you till later and then I can give you a dime bag. cool. later." and it was with that I expressed I understood fully why he had out of body expriences. I text my son I was so outta there but he begged me to wait for dessert and bring some biscuits home.

    Now I have met some really nice men..with actual jobs...and that could dress and smell so good and all of the above. But that is where it ends. They - we- just didnt click. and the ones I was interested in wasnt feeling it with me..So there you go... I am gonna die alone. Unless God has pity on me and plants someone right in my path and he has a big blinking arrow that says- "go forth and multiply." and then I would be more than elated to hump him like a rabbit 24-7. Holla.