Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Sunday, March 25, 2007

    Who am I really? That is the question that I will answer....It seems to be the time now...I am writing this post from a deep inner me, a post that I really do not care if it gets read or not...But, it is my release from something that I have been keeping to myself....

    Do you know the real reason of why I stopped writing? Because I didn't know how so it seemed... Yes I too grow in phases of the occasional writers block.. And even though majority I would say 95% of the things I write are true, there was still something missing- that prevented me from really bringing my emotions to the forefront... That and those emotions are basically what some of you feel... Pain, aggravation, happiness ,joy ,love.....There were many times that all I wanted to do was write about the joy that I had been feeling with ZHP. There were times we discussed this and I always told him that feeling the way I did, I wanted to just shout, and bust because I was so happy..And yet there was a part of me, that felt I still had to keep you all entertained...that no one was really interested in that and other parts of me..... it also felt very strange to me to return from my vacation with ZHP and then to start writing again.....It was awkward in a way- because I met someone that *knew* me...I was no longer behind a screen...and coming back home- it was as if- "Ok........what do I write about? because the only thing that matters in this moment was how I was truly feeling which at that time, was love...."

    Who am I ?......Some of you may have conjured up an image in your minds, of some woman who is perhaps a model, a woman of exquisite tastes and such a voyeur at times.... When in fact I am not better than anyone else...I never tried to be...Callie is a personae of a me.......She is just a little braver at times... I am truly an extension of that personae with other ingredients tied in the middle.... I cry when I am frustrated and hurt and feel I cannot do anything, or when I feel someone is being out right rude to me.....I pray alot when others let me down and even when they don't. I am not a radical Christian, but I am a Christian...It does not make me better than *anyone*...it just means to me, I have a personal relationship with God, and I try each day to be a little more kinder and observant to others needs instead of my own....

    I am a woman who likes simplicity....I do not need nor do I require a mansion, a few nice cars...My joy is my beat up truck- my small but clean apartment....My joy is being able to come home and have my son ask me how my day was and if he can help me cook....... I am also hell on wheels in things that matter to me....I do not mind raising a voice for issues that I think I can help change, nor do I mind allowing someone to voice theirs..I also hate when people lie to me, or when they are too weak to tell me how they feel about things, and expect me to know... I do not mind doing for others when in need, or even when they are not...To some, these parts of me can be a nuisance to others...To me, it just makes me extra special and I try and uphold the saying of "When I am blessed- you too are Blessed".

    I will also admit to you all that I am weak and have weaknesses..... As I discovered, and I still have yet understood it- While in Mexico strolling-Z had asked me to get coffee for him....gave me the money and told me to just do it....I freaked the hell out....I was terrified as I went to the counter, and in broken Spanish ordered coffee.....Of course it did not turn out the way I wished...The experience that is..I felt that I was being picked on because they laughed at me....I was only trying to make Z happy........unfortunately, it made me feel horrible.....Perhaps it was because my thought or perception was I was being heckled at someone Else's expense....Perhaps it was because I had someone else direct me out of my comfort zone before I was ready.....And yet, this is who I am.....

    I am not strong in all things...I have weaknesses, I have bad days and good days.....I am human........and yet- I am funny- or try to be...I have a great spirit in doing for others and not expecting anything in return....as long as *I* know that I made you smile.... I am a great listener,Mother, friend and God....I am such a devoted lover.......When I make a commitment to someone, I give it my all and then some......I am.....a great woman...regardless if those whose path I have come across cannot see it....I do know one thing, people that are in my life, may not realize at that moment or time, just how wonderful I am, but later on they will and do....

    So......this is Callie....This is *me*.......... This....is who I am....