Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Tuesday, June 12, 2007

    Whad Up Peoplez?!!!!

    It's Tuesday, I am stoked, grab your am beverage and Lets.Do.This.! Ok ok... Yes I am hyped only because I broke my routine of oatmeal and yogurt and low fat milk and traded it for a walk on the wild side. A big ole texas cinnamon roll and a cup of vanilla chai tea peoplez! I just had too. I mean...not only am I dealing with the beautiful gift of PMS- I also am currently suffering of *oatmealitus.* It seems that I may have od'd on so much fiber that if I sneezed I will pass a fart. So- I just do what all women do. Sneeze and squeeze my butt cheeks so hard together- it keeps from those moments of uneasiness...Oh yeah but I digress...Men fart...Women quiff...


    Do you all recall my letter to the IRS? well guess what? Momma took the time to scroll through all 200 sumethin posts just to sling it back at you for your reading pleasure:

    To: IRS Amendment Department
    RE: Amended Tax Form


    I am sending this letter in hopes to finalize any future confusion in reference to the above Filing. I have sent documentation certified mail as well as through the Advocacy Department for Tax issues and I am still being sent letters from your office indicating that you have yet received the required filings to close my case. Unfortunately I see this not only as a problem of stupidity within your sectors but also a cause for alarm as you are to be Governing over the financial implementations bestowed upon you for the United States of America, and yet cannot seem to process paperwork correctly.

    If you could take a moment out of your day of sending letters to remind me of how much of my tax refund you have made out with, perhaps somewhere on your computer screen you will see where I have been dealing with you all since 2005 on a repetitive basis, not as one of a blind date inquiry.From now on, please cease and desist from sending me any further letters from your office informing me of how much of my refund you decided to take for supposed lack of paperwork.

    I, like many other Americans I am sure, do not need to be reminded of how bad I was screwed without the Vaseline. For now, just go ahead and enjoy my refund as you use it for your next Office Party Expenditures. I am quite sure you all can enjoy expensive coffee and gourmet doughnuts at the cost of tax payers’ money. But be careful and try not to choke as you will find out when you do properly credit my paperwork by April 15, 2007- that you will need to refund me 906.36. I would like to have that as quickly as you took my refund. I have a trip planned.

    Thank you for your assistance in this matter, AGAIN.

    Ok..so...I got a letter back from them on Friday informing me that they apologize- but they are still reviewing my case and are experiencing heavy delays processing. Well alrighty then...A letter telling me that versus a * flat out no* is a good thing for me....right? RIGHT... Yo-Ho-Yo-Ho A Piratess Life is for me.

    Next on the agenda of callie- Mattel. I am going to write them and introduce my product..Mattel is mainly known for this:

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    I call it *Barhoochie* I have never liked Barhoochie, nor have I ever owned one. I had two dolls in my life- one who was my favorite doll baby until my dad stepped on her accidentally and her head flew off her neck like a nightmare out of clockwork orange. Recognize people, trauma in my childhood started early. The other doll I had was this big ole doll that was really neat. She was a medium complexion and all you had to do was change her skull cap around and she would have black flowing hair one moment, and then blonde flowing hair the next. But- she still didnt really appeal to me until I grabbed some stay on markers and tried to add more makeup. It was at that moment I may have grasped the concept of Drag Queen...Holla!

    Ok so back to Mattel...I am going to send them a letter and introduce THE LIFECOACH DOLLS...See...these dolls will be in a class of their own. They will cater to women and young girls ALL over the world *cause I roll like that* AND they will teach women LifeCoaching skills...First they will all be one color...a really pretty Star Trek Green. and they will all have one color hair schemes..Don't hate....appreciate my gift of Lurve people....And theses...These are my gifts to share with Mattel and the world peoplez.....

    1. Substance Abuse Chloe: she will come with an assortment of substances and you will be able to follow along with the cd and interact by peel on stickers and facial emotions of the levels of substance abuse...By the end of the cd program- Chloe will then be presented with a beauty from within that radiates outward and she will be a clean and sober Chloe.

    2. You Can Do It Jessica: This doll will come complete with an interactive Cd of lifesaving skills when going through hardships all by herself. Not only will she come complete with an interactive cd- but she will also come with a chastity belt to reclaim her virginity and not have the worries of selling herself out for the pimp daddy man that could care less about her. I am even thinking of tossing in a cd for her listening pleasure of Tina Turners Proud Mary.

    3. Get Fat Get Thin Be Happy Sunshine: This doll will be the envy for all women. Not only will she come complete with an interactive cd- BUT she will also come complete with latex foam attachments to assist with what it's like to starve yourself- and what it's like to hurl over a toilet bowl. *the little doll baby toilet bowl comes included* after this cd interaction not only will Get Fat Get Thin Be Happy Sunshine Barbie appreciate her beauty in all areas, but she will also get a You Go Girl Diploma signed by yours truly...*moi*

    Seeeee Peoplez...Life Skills....Ya think Mattel will like it? *laughs* probably not...but hey it's a try....
    Other than that - I am buzzed on sugar and have the shakes. I could be considered a tourettes patient right now- but for now I will just let you all go with a :Arrrrggggghhhhhh Matey!