Who Is Callie?

I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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  • Wednesday, January 31, 2007

    I kid you the hell not people, but there is a "Little Man" that lives down the steps from me that has been sweating a whore for the past month! I do believe the sneaky bastard also knows my schedule of when I leave for work, when I arrive from work, when I go to the gym, back to the gym, hell he probably has his ear plastered against a glass container on the bathroom wall just to hear me pee or shower! And how do I know this? Check it-

    Last week I get home from work and walk by his apartment door to get to my place- and what do you know! He comes running out shirtless showing his man boobs *and yes- MAN BOOBS* and he is offering me a beer...... NOT........ and then during the weekend, I go to get coffee and he runs out to say hello- how you doin- you no work today... Give me a freakin break dude... So- I had to put my damn thinking cap on and devise some sort of back off plan without being really rude... So behold my ass gets into my drive way on yesterday, and look who is outside with his case of beer- music blaring, and a tshirt and jeans.........

    Him-"Hi- how u doin?"
    Me-"Hi- I am fine thanks"
    Him- "you got boyfriend?"
    Me- "yeah I do....." "arent you married?"
    Him- "yes but she not my wife.."

    ok...perhaps he was already liquored because I did not understand that at all- so i just smiled and said
    "oh- ok!"

    Him- "ummm where your husband or boyfriend?"
    Crap! Think Think Think....

    Me- "He is away alot because he is a bounty hunter....."
    He looks at me puzzled and people I am really sticking to this story and trying to make it believable- don't hate!
    Him- "He do what?"
    Me- "He is kind of like a secret police, and he goes after bad guys and puts them in jail."
    Him- "Ohhhhhhhh..Like da guy on tv? Dog?"
    Me- "There ya go!"
    Him- "He that guy that comes on the motorcyle with the tattoos?"
    He is referring to my ex boyfriend from a year ago...
    Me- "Yep! Thats him!"
    Him- "I dont see him anymore- he gone long time."
    I bit my bottom lip people! I was stumped but momma laid on another layer of a lie.
    Me- "Yeah well he is chasing this guy that murdered his neighbor... From what was on the news, she was a young girl with kids and he liked her..He was kind of crazy..." "You didnt see this story on the news???"
    Him- "Ohhhh no...."
    Me- "Yeah, so he is in another country right now...."
    Ok.. I can see he is no longer smiling at me so I make my move to get into my safe haven.
    Me- "I need to go, but it was good seeing you!"
    Him- "Ok! Bye!"
    I got inside to get dressed to go to the gym and my son is on his way out the door and I found myself yelling-
    "Dude, if that guy downstairs starts asking you questions about my boyfriend, or what not- he is a bounty hunter"..
    My son looks at me and says- "What boyfriend?"
    "Dude, just say it if he asks ok?"
    "Ok.....but..I didnt know you had a boyfriend that was a bounty hunter."
    People, I am the luckiest whore on earth!
    callie
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