Before I say anything else- I am stoked at the video request that I got which I posted. Yeah Yeah! Now- there is nothing wrong with wafer thin skinny girls, or thin people at that- but dang it people I am proud to be plus size and it's kool to watch the video, and see those lovely ladies smile and get their groove on! Holla!

It's Thurzday Y'all and I am about to get buck wild cause tomorrow is Friday- and I will be getting my groove on to bring in my birthday right! Dixie, I still have yet heard what the dilly is with you and your friends...I mean....just because we cant hit the mechanical bull ride at Wild Bills don't mean we cant get into "sumethin"..........The drink of the evening for me I think will be a creation by a former boss called the "Pink Panty Pulldown". I know right? sounds scandalous! and yo- if that don't work out- I will just be drinking Sol Beer all night to prevent another episode of waking up on my bedroom floor.

I did inform my other party goers to make sure I get back in the limo to go home. Just to have all the bases covered you know? I don't want to be swooned off my feet by a one nighter Ricky Martin wet dream in the flesh. that would sucketh muchly.

Oooooooo guess what? I got a job interview people. Next week yo! And errr Dazd- no it is not for Hooters or a booty droppin business. Hooters would be Dixies department but if you stopped by her site you will notice she traded in man drool on her boobies for more excitement of driving a school bus for some bad ass kids. It is actually for a Fortune 500 Company, and I will be able to travel and talk to all kinds of people which I am good at and well....Y'all just wish me well on that cause..Momma needs a new pair of shoes.

Other than that people. I am jonesin. Recall a year or so ago- my lovely friend Wanda gave me her advice on different exercise programs ? One of those which were her favorites..."SPINNING" and when I did try it I about passed the hell out along with hitting the emergency stop button on the treadmill portion that she had recommended also. Alas, I am now back on those programs, along with taking the infamous crack pill and I am feeling like the energizer bunny. I keep going. and going.and going. it is only temporary mind you. I just needed a little boost to get me going because the detox flushings were hard to do with a work schedule like mine. besides....I didn't want to get to a point of wearing depends on a Saturday while out running errands when I was not working.

Tomorrow.......people...is the start of my Birthday weekend....and also for those who have March Birthdays coming up. So- I will be listing that for tomorrows blog entry. Other than that- much lurve to ya callie style!

~peace~

Nada people. I got. Nada. I have some things going on at work that require my attention today therefore I have no interesting news to tell you all.... Ummm one day I will be able to throw you all for loop ya know? Just to keep everyone on their toes. Like say errrrr.. Me having a baby....or getting married.....or got laid.....or...heck something worthy........ Alas, I will leave you with a few random thoughts before burying myself in paper snatch. How bout that?

1. The bathroom bandit and I are gonna throw the heck down people. Not only did they leave more shit tracks in the toilet, they left one of the little brown kids in the pool. I gagged and ran out and threw up in the other bathroom way down in no mans land.

2. I noticed in the headlines where crack head Bobbie Brown was caught with cocaine on his persons and now has agreed to do community service by helping children. Riiiiggggght.....

3. Dazd. why you no tell me RockBand was way cooler than guitar hero? Since my son announced to his friends that I suck at playing the guitar they have officially nominated me as the singer. Thanks to me- they passed all of the levels. I sang the hell out of Soundgarden and murmured my way through a rendition of the Beastie Boys and did such a great job at practicing run on sentences that it still gave me an "awesome rating" . show me some lurve homie.

4. Hollywood Video is closing its doors and I took advantage of buying my favorite movie for 7.49 people.. Bond...James Bond's Casino Royale. werd.

5. I found a real cute boobie blouse to wear for my party Friday. It's so cute. as will I be.

6. It's funny how when watching movies of some big name people how in each of their movies they do a particular thing that they are known for. example- The Rock...he now has to always do that eyebrow thing or a bodyslam thingy. Angelina Jolie, now has to pout in every movie and do it alot more forceful. Mark Wahlburg. He has that famous pimp daddy walk that just has me climbing the freakin walls. I so dig him....no....truly dig him.......pimp walk on with your fyne self!

7. Someone and I won't mention his name but I am sure it was my son, decided to go into my bathroom and steal my toilet paper. Little did I know when I reached to grab some it was gone which meant I had to "drip run through the house to his bathroom" to reclaim it. I am sure I was dry by the time I got back to my toilet.

8. I am in dire need of warmer weather. and yes Pele. I will bitch and whine. sue me. No wait, don't do that- I don't have anything.

9. The guy sitting in front of me waiting for his client is wearing a horrid toupee'. It's kind of slanted to one side and then the back of it is raised high enough that you can see the separated portion of his real hair line. I wanna offer him a comb so bad or try and fix it.

10. And yet....I am busting a gut from snickering yo!

and I leave you all with this:

Two hookers were walking down the street. Hooker number 1 says:

"Gurrrrl! We gonna get PAID tonight! I can smell dick in the air!"

the other hooker laughed and said: "Gurl quit trippin, I just belched."

I know..I am sick. but ya lurve me long time yo!

~peace~

It is Tuesday and I am over my really bad stomach ache and headache binge. I have narrowed it down people. I am sure my weight loss pill and the alcohol had a part to play if even a small part on how I was feeling. Alas, I am doing better. Thank you for asking.

I am...."flooded" with emails this morning that I need to respond too. Alot of those emails are people that I have known or just met that are going through some changes in their lives. or perhaps just need someone to talk to. I value each and everyone. I am thankful. I am really of those of you that have come by to read my thoughts, as well as those that have offered wise counsel and just a simple smile and hug. It means alot. Which is why I posted the video that I did. For those of you that are going through changes- those of you that are struggling, and even those of you that don't think your ship will come in. Celines song and those words are heart wrenching, and speak truth in ways.. More ways than one... "Hold On- Don't shed a Tear- A New Day Has Come."

Alas, I myself am having a sentimental fool of a moment..... Another year older and I look back and I am like- snaps! I have nothing to show for my life... and then I step back and this is the question answer scenario that plays in my psyche and heart...

"What is it that you feel you do not have anything to show?"

me- Well.....I am stuck in a job that I like but dont make a lot at.

"But do you make enough for you to do even simple things?"

me- yes

"What else do you feel you have nothing to show?"

me- I don't seem to have it together.....

"What does it take to have it together as you call it?"

me- just.....things......just to be better than where I am

"Are you healthy-incapacitated?"

me- yes I am healthy

"Do you have shelter, a vehicle, a job, ?"

me- yes I do

"Are you loved?"

me- yes...I am

"Then explain how you feel you have nothing to show- versus someone that either has nothing- or has what some believe everything but still feel empty?"

and then it dawns on me...that I do..I have alot. I just fail to see it at times. I was going through this birthday thinking that I have not accomplished anything.. I had been living some times thinking that by this year- by that age I should be here and here and not here. and then when I started to live like that and those goals werent met, it put me in a place of "What the hell?" I take 20 steps forward and get knocked 50 steps back....

And yet we all struggle in some form and way. All of us. I am no different than any of you. We are no different from each other when we really take a moment to digest that theory. Ummmmm I am perhaps being a little to dramatic for you all this morning huh? I don't mean to be. I just felt like this was worth talking about..................

Anyways- I hope you all have a great day today...may the sun shine upon your face.

~me

People....Bear with me...As today I am officially experiencing one hellava hangover that snuck up on me and I am trying to nurse myself ok? Pardon any spelling errors- and perhaps double triple digits of repetitive wording.

And HOW did Callie, come about this position? I mean. I am no lush and I recall everything! I recall calling Hope from the destination and laughing about white knee socks... I recall calling my aunt and telling her she needed to come down to where I was- I even recall dancing with everyone and anyone and name game recollection. So what the heck happened? Well- I will start off by telling you all that I am going to 'bold and highlight" a few things. That means you are to click on them ok?

The party in Atlanta people is at this location: LOCA LUNA
First of all- it is VERY BEAUTIFULLY designed and decorated. I had the feeling of being in Miami or something of that realm. I arrived around 3pm- or a little sooner.. I started off with the featured drink on the hanging poster called a Caipirinha. I was fine.truly. I nursed it for a few hours- and then around 6 or so I had a mojito and I knew that I was getting buzzed because I found myself sitting at the bar chit chatting while sucking up mint leaves through my straw. I also knew it was a good time to start inhaling water as the young ladies I was gabbing with- all found ourselves laughing at idiotic things- like that guy that thought he was Michael Jackson- and had his own dance show going on - right in front of a two way mirror. and then the show attraction started which featured my good friend ANDREA . She and her lovely dancers rawked sox- and I danced until I couldnt dance anymore! Yo! It was a fun fine time for Ms. Callie. I met tons of wonderful people- and yes. I even had the pleasure of dancing with many nice handsome looking men! I switched phone numbers with one guy who had been stood up by a blind date. poor him... I met this guy: FERNANDO FERNANDEZ who I kept calling Alejandro- "Yo- Fernando-- forgive me ok? laughs" and I had the pleasure of meeting I think the owner- and if not the owner he is in that Executive Chain of Management- Eric Kline of Loca Luna who was so gracious to let me have one of the posters for my personal framing useage. Thanks Eric!!!

I got home last night around 9pm- chatted with my son and played a diddy of guitar hero for one song, got in my room- took off my shoes and that people is when the world stopped. My room went spinning and I landed face first on the bed and found myself plastered on my bedroom floor this morning with a dry heaving taste in my mouth and a pounding headache. I text Hope this morning and told her I had a major hangover that just snuck up on me last night. and it did. But man...the price for a good time aint all that pretty the day after. Errrrr....yes it is! So much so that I cancelled my reservation plans at one location for Loca Luna on this Friday. I am sure this will be one Birthday to Blog about I tell ya!

So- for anyone that is coming to my party- this is where we will be. For anyone visiting Atlanta and your looking for a wonderful place to party - make it Loca Luna!

Until later folks, I need to log off and find a goody powder.

ciao!
callie

People- it has been raining now for 2 straight days and I am so not feeling it. I want sun- and I want it now. Not the imitation rays of a tanning lamp or bed, but pure optimal sunshine- the kind that brings out the butterflies and a bug or two. Warmth spreading all over me sunshine. Ok. I am blah. I just want to curl up at home on the sofa and gorge myself on pizza and orange slush juice. That.is.all.

Sunday I am getting dressed up sexy and hope to land a brother, cousin,uncle, mafia hit man related to antonio banderas or someone in the latin lineage. I am droolin already at the possible scent of latin male pheremones with a mix of rum from a good stiff caribbean drink. puuuuuuurrrrrrr.....kitty wants to play...................... it has been so long...............ahhhh baby let's go-real slow- what you see baby this is perfecto! hey!

My friend HOPE is taking her very first plane ride people! So make sure you leave her a comment of flight etiquette. Hope, I will be the first in line to give you some advice.

1. Should you happen to hit air dips and you feel the need or urge to vomit- Grab the bag and duck between your husbands legs as you hurl.

other contributors will follow suit as I am sure because after all- when one person starts throwing up in a closed compartment- it sets off a chain reaction, and gurl dont feel shame! I have done it before. Thats what those bags are there for. Just grab some handy wipes and re-apply your lipstick afterwards. HOLLA!

at any rate- you all have a great weekend, and I am sure I will have something juice to post after my booty dropping skillz on Sunday.

~peace out

callie

I watched the Eclipse last night. I was hungry, cold, agitated from sitting in that chair and my neck hurts from looking up at the sky for what seemed liked eternity. Shoot I need a massage with a quickness to get the cramp out. But to appease my son- I did it. Other times it never mattered you know? But because this was the first one that he has ever been able to understand and view- I figured what the heck. So- I carried out a few chairs grabbed my heavy sweater and a glass of wine and sat outside watching this stage of scientific proportions. Alas, I ran out of wine, my neck was hurting, and we had been out there for a good 45 minutes to watch a show that seemed to drag on forever. I asked my son perhaps a million questions...

"How long will this take? How long are we going to be out here? What time are we going to see some action? Ooooooo what planet is that? Oh! Snaps my bad thats a plane because it's moving." you get the point. Never the less it was...errrrr...eventful......

I have once more begun throwing my resume' out in hopes of a better paying gig. I am looking more into the industry of being a certified beck and call employee that can travel all of the time and use my boss's American Express Black Card to charge major frilly items because after all- I am the Betty Suarez of the day and I am good at that. Heck for the last company, I use to mellow my boss out by giving him PMS tea- and he never knew . In fact he would call and ask me to bring him more. That my friend takes skillz.

Guess what shawties? My birthday is in-11 days! I will be 38! I still have all my teeth, my hair, my boobs and my booty. Holla! and I have been sex free for I dont know how long which I think qualifies me for re-virgin hood. Ya dont wanna know what one of my male friends said- unless you wanna email me....*winks* at any event make sure you lurkers, bloggers, crackheads, all YA'LL drop by to say Happy Birthday to me....

I was digging through my music archives and for some reason I decided to listen to someone that I did not know- that was in the news. And behold as I started listening to the song, I recognized it and started singing to it-- BUT I had no idea that the person singing it- was the one in the news lately... Amy Winehouse! You go girl... Let that wanna be man of yours find his own path and you get your game face on and nail it balls to the walls my friend! You got support!!! And today I am playing your song because I feel you!!!!

Much love to you all peeps!

~c to the a to the l to the l to the i to the e~

Let me tell you about last night while stopping in at the gas station. I go inside to pay for my gas and grab a chico stick because I was after all craving a little munchie thanks to PMS overload, and while I am in line- there was a gentleman who had a tad bit too much to drink- whom was throwing a tirade because apparantely he hit a few numbers playing the lotto-game card- and wanted his cash. Well, since I have never really played nor won- I am not sure of the specifics but the Store Cashier wanted to see some ID and have this man fill out some information on the back of the card before dispensing his winnings. Therefore- Mr. Man must have hit pretty good for them needing this info. Anyways- he could not seem to produce any id- nor could he recall the basics of information- and therefore proceeded to get angry because they would not give him his winnings unless he did so.....

By this time- It is me in line waiting to pay for gas and a chico stick, a couple of more people are getting agitated and then this is where shit hit the fan. This gentleman then starts cussing about how America is not fair to him. He goes on about how he works for little to no pay- how he isn't being treated fairly because he won some money and America is keeping it...Blah Blah Blah..... and yes... I got kinda miffed... I mean now I have been standing in this freakin line for more than 5 minutes, I am a leaking faucet, and I am in need of my chico stick to squash the sugar craving- and then I have to stand there and listen to this bs. And yes..It is BS.

You see.. It is BS in my opinion because although America is the land of opportunity- in order for you to capitalize on that opportunity you have to pay your freakin dues. He wants to talk about not being treated fairly- ok...let's talk about that for a moment. Is it fair that my taxes are paying for those that do not go through proper measures that can apply for benefits that some US citizens have a hard time getting? Is it fair that I have to apply for business licenses and pay taxes for that business while next door to me- I have someone selling Phone Cards and other merchandise from their apartment without contributing a dime to our economy? Fair? America was not built on the foundation of being "Fair"....... although we would like for that concept to become reality- it will never happen, not in my lifetime anyways.

If I were wanting to establish residency anywhere in the world, I would have to abide by their ordinances- so shall it be to be considered a US Citizen. America does not owe anyone "illegally" shit. Oh and it really kills me to read some people that blog about how America is this- America is that- and yet they dont live here. Thats cool...Talk about our President and whatever else floats your boat- no country is perfect. Our laundry is just being aired more publicly versus the undercover stench that filters through some other countries. Amazing- we can get dogged out- and yet people from the outside still clamour to get inside the window, so much so that they are willing to risk their lives and others lives to do so.

Mr. Man then decided to basically F America and Quick Trip -snatched his little winning card and stumbled out into the night . I paid for my gas and my chico stick and could not Flinstone it fast enough to get home and shower. and yet- I still replayed in my mind- America, not being fair? Whatever yo!

Thought for the Day-"Eminem- break it down one time!"

~peace~

I am now known as "Mumsy" according to the brat pack of my son and his friends. And how did a kool mom like me come up with this award? By FINALLY being able to play a song on guitar hero and not be cast off like a loser. Yes! I finally played a song and actually got 80% right. Yes I was on the "easy" mode- and yes I still missed alot of keys because the people started booing again, BUT I learned how to catch up, switch notes, AND use that star power mode thingy in which you have to hold your guitar in mid air- while playing- and the crowd goes wild, and your notes are being highlighted by some neat looking thunder storm thingy, and yes. I do believe Santana was somewhat proud- although the song sucked in my opinion as I played it. Tonight, I will attempt a number by Pearl Jam. I figured "hey- they cant sound any angrier if I butcher their song Evenflo."

And now- NEWS- Glorious News of our World Today:

Ben & Jerry's founders endorse Obama
By LISA RATHKE, Associated Press Writer Mon Feb 18, 7:12 PM ET
BURLINGTON, Vt. - The founders of Ben & Jerry's endorsed Barack Obama on Monday, and lent his Vermont campaign two "ObamaMobiles" that will tour the state and give away scoops of "Cherries for Change" ice cream. ( I wonder what kind of Presidential Flavor they will come up with. I mean- if it were McCain would it be Red White and Blue Sparkle Cream? If it was Hillary would it be- Two Can Tango Mango with nuts? Maybe they will make it into a contest.)

Internet sex auction sparks paternity row

Wed Feb 13, 1:18 PM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A woman in Germany who became pregnant after an online sex auction has won a court battle to force the Web site that hosted the sale to reveal the names of the winners, so she can find out who's the father. (I know it was YOU!...No...It's YOU!...No...It's YOU!)

Your tacos or your life!
Mon Feb 18, 10:47 PM ET
FONTANA, Calif. - A hunger for carnitas nearly led to some carnage after a Fontana man was robbed of a bag of tacos at gunpoint. Police Sergeant Jeff Decker said the 35-year-old victim had just bought about $20 in tacos from a street-corner stand Sunday night and was bicycling home when the suspect confronted him and said "Give me your tacos." (Someone had a major buzz on pot to steal this mans tacos.)

Stolen stash of stuffing secured
Mon Feb 18, 10:47 PM ET
MIDLAND, Mich. - This stuffing was hot, but not in the roasted turkey sense. Police have arrested a 32-year-old man they accuse of stealing 217 cases of Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix. (and coming up in the next Prison Break - a new criminal with a secret. )

"Dude, what are you in for?"

"Grand Theft"

"Dude- thats awesome! How much did you steal?"

"217 cases"

"Dude.....Cases of what? Liquor, smokes, what?"

"Stuffing."

"Dude, like......bed stuffing? Like you ripped the tags off the mattress or sumethin?"

"No. I stole cases of Pepperidge Farm Stuffing Mix."

"Dude.......that's kool....You musta been hungry eh?"

And that my friends, is an idea of just how f'd up our world is right about now. Until then- have a great day- and remember, no stealing of stuffing, having internet sex, or taking advantage of the late night hours of Taco Bell.

~peace out~

callie

Ok so on yesterday I celebrated Happy Singles Valentines Day, and because of my post- I just wanna tell you that not only did I get 2 emails relating to some of the things I listed, but even some poor guy who doesnt even read my blog- but that I work with- walked past my desk and expressed how when he got home he and his wife got to arguing so bad that he tossed the flowers in the garbage, walked out and spent his time at Hooters. Sad but true..... See?????????????

Anyways- my son and I exchanged candy and a card- I made pizza which by the way- I love those cheap ass Totinos and Cambells Soup! We had that and started watching a movie. Now- if your a beaver and have teeth hold on to something because I about upchucked from shock about the movie we rented. Although I am somewhat liberal in things concerning my son- I do have an iron hand at times and I can put him on lockdown real quick when he "thinks" he can challenge me. there are times that I allow an R movie to be watched- depending on the nature and maturity level..... So- we both a few nights ago saw the preview for the movie 23. We both thought- ummmm seems kinda scary thriller- let's rent it...... We got all cozy in our comfortables and huddled up on the sofas and started to watch this movie.. The first 20 minutes or so I was getting a little bored but hung with it somewhere and then the thought of Jim Carey-Ace Ventura was thrown right out the window people. No one- not even the ratings said anything about seeing Jim Carey conducting soft porn S and M style throughout the WHOLE MOVIE! and when I say the whole movie..I mean..the WHOLE MOVIE..... I flipped the switch and shut the movie down and looked at my son who bug eyes looked at me....

Me- ummmmm ok...this aint happenin....either we watch transformers again for the onehundredthsixtymillionth time- or we play a board game- any ideas?

Him- I would rather go to my room and play guitar hero.

and he gets up and gives me a kiss on the cheek and goes to his room and closes the door. So now I am left with the WTF look of what to do now......so.... I take the movie and go to my room and finish watching. Mainly because I really wanted to see the end of who was doing what- and yet I still had to bear watching this man that I at times thought was so funny- now show his ass..."literally"...and I think I saw his peepee also, and people......for all that is wonderful in gumdrop land....Jim Carey looks to be a great lay! THERE! I freakin said it! He got game!

Anyways....during this movie- Hope texts me and asks what I'm doin... I didnt go all out and tell her I was kinda dry heaving my pizza- but I did manage to say this:

me-"Gurl, if you have ever wondered about Jim Carey being able to be serious and having sex, rent the movie 23. theres your answer."

her response- "I'll go rent it."

arent we sick individuals?????? LOL anyways....that was my evening people. I hope you all had a great one too..and oh yeah...guess what?

"It's Friday Ya'll!"

~c

Did you really think ole callie was just gonna let this day of all days just silently slip by without me giving some lurve? I think not! Expect the best from this blog queen people and relish. As we all know today is the day next to Christmas that can either break your bank account, or possibly your relationship. Your choice. Consumerism is a bitch yo! However- for all you singles out there that arent getting a vase of 200.00 roses that will wilt in the first week- don't fret! For all of you singles that feel no one cares about you and that your day will never come. Shake that shit off and listen up. Today by the time I am finished, is going to be your day! TRUST!

First of all let me break it down to you of why today is a good day for you and why you should be happy amidst the so called love hoopla.

1. You get special treatment for dining alone at a fancy restraunt. YES! you do!!! More special treatment than a couple unless someone is celebrating a birthday or dropping a cubic zirconia in spritzer water . You get dressed up and go have yourself a really nice meal and enjoy it!

2. You do not have to deal with chaos and drama of a partner! Singles....if nothing else that I write does not resonate with you- please let this one sink in... DRAMA....you can create your own drama if you have a need for excitement. You do not need a partner to do that shit for you! Today you can wake up and watch other people fall all over themselves expressing how much their boo lurves them, only to sit back with a bag of popcorn 2 days later and laugh as they come back your way expressing their utter emotions of how they wish they werent married! Watch and see! Today... No Spousal Drama!

3. You can do whatever you want without permission! Hellz yes! If you wanna get up in the middle of the night to make a coffee run you can do that! If you want to eat soup and sandwiches for a week you can do that! You can flirt- you can live life and not have to get permission! "Yesssssssssssss" Napolean Dynamite style!

4. So what if your not getting flowers today! Hello! You buy your own and send them to yourself! No shame in that- know why????? Because before anyone can love you- you have to love yourself! "YEssssssssssssssssssssss"! your special- every day. Those couples are only special today. the rest of the year they are miserable trying to figure out what the hell went wrong.

5. There are plenty of singles party without the Hook-Ups...Revert back to numbers 2 and 3 and when you feel all else has failed- visit your local Blockbuster movies. Buy the bucket deal and just chill.

6. If your single and have kids- Shazam! You just look at those soulful eyes and spread the love and let them spread that unconditional love back at ya! That there is a special Valentines!

Singles...I could ramble on and on- but I wont... You just gotta do this on your own today. Dont try and flush someones flowers down the toilets and all that. Just come back here and read this list and keep thinking about number 2 and 3....... And singles...for goodness sakes!- I just had someone leave from my desk that said this....

"Happy Valentines Day!" and she gave me a handful of candy. Your response: "Awww thanks! this is Happy Single Valentines Day!" and of course expect some dialogue and this will give you great practice...

She- "Your single?"

Me- "I sure am!"

She-"But doesnt that make you feel lonely? It's Valentines Day and everyone should feel loved!" and I think she did one of those "Omygosh I think Im gonna faint cause shes single today of all days looks"

Me-" apparently, I am not that lonely if your stopping by to bring me candy and wish me Happy Valentines Day. Besides, your only lonely if you want to be. I have the ability to party 365 days a year by myself and not sweat a monkeys balls in the slightest. "

Enuff said my Single brothers and Sisters! Enjoy your day! Don't let this bull bring you down!

Act of Random Kindness Week

- it just takes a moment, a simple hello, a smile- a "Hey I am thinking of you". Spread the Love this Valentines and each day with Random Kindness.

~callie

Sorry peeps. I have been gone since Friday of last week and landed myself an honorary kick butt flu bug. Myself along with my kid. But today I am back at work- and here to deliver some goodness to your eyes.

OHhhhhhhhhhh.... lemme tell ya about my killer weekend. And I am sure Dixie would so approve of this. It is my report entitled:

"My RedNeck Weekend"

by: Callie

You see, my son and I decided we had enough of the city and decided we would hop in my truck- and just high tail it down to the woods of Senoia Georgia to spend the weekend with my crazy best friend Anne... You remember her right? She is the Diva of redneck life. Classy and so refined even when opening a bottle of budlight for her handsome beau whom we all have deemed "Step Daddy"....... Now- contrary to what you might think, I am all about the country life. I live in the city but I am more at home to where I can sit on a porch and listen to crickets chirp a song know what I mean? So- as we are driving- we are passing all of these homes that are set out in no mans land with picket fences, horses, goats....and then what happens? I am on the phone trying to get better directions when all of a sudden not 1, not 2, but 4 of santas deer go bouncing across the hood of my truck! I start screamin because it was broad daylight and they just LEPT out of no where. My son starts screaming because another one leaps out of the woods across my truck hood, and by this time I have announced to Anne that we were having venison for dinner..... I decided at that point 10 mph on a dirt road would suffice.... Getting closer to Anne as we are still on the phone all of a sudden we hit a no signal zone in which I am literally in the middle of no where- with no phone signal... Little man pipes up and says:

"Back up Mom and call her so we know where to go."

and I do only to then be told by Step Daddy- "Hey! Keep drivin you should see her ass flagging you down by the end of the road."

Sure enough, there is the Princess of Gucci and Beer. She is beautiful as always. Nails all manicured toe nails polished red in OPI mind you. And we just hug....It was one of those hugs that told me how much I missed her and being out in the country. Anyways- we get into the house and I am hugged by Step Daddy who immediately offers me a beer. My son meets stepdaddys son and his best friend and they are off like a fart in the wind to do what boys do best... Video Games? errrrr no..not here. While Anne and I are catching up on the day of gossip- I am approached by my son who is new to all of this and he whispers: "Mom, is it ok if I go ride on the dune buggy?" Suuuuuuuuuure I tell him. and off he goes....30 minutes later step daddy gets a call like as if this is normal. "I'll be back baby" he tells Anne-"the boys flipped the buggy and ran out of gas." And I kid you not- he just grabbed his beer his smokes , a gas can, keys, and was gone. The boys flipped that thing and ran out of gas all day... And then when it was time to eat- they opted for a burger on the go- ate and hauled butt back outside this time to go shootin..... Yep....they each had bb guns and my son thought it would be cool to shake cans of soda first- stack em, and then shoot. Soda was everywhere. I think this was E's thing- because I be damned if he didnt just end up shooting marksman. Anne and I decided we would chill in the hot tub and drink wine.... 2 liters and 2 hours later in the hot tub- we were both pretty wasted and night fall had come and we were still sitting out there gabbin- I think this is where I got sick. I stood up from that hot tub and that cold air hit me- and I was done.......

More wine and chit chat later- I made myself a palette on the floor and zoned out. The boys were still up playing and eating till the wee hours of the night. Ahhhhhhhhh....awesome...Sunday morning Anne fixed this bang up breakfast- we hit the grocery store to where she made some mock fried chicken, and yep.. Beer was the drink of the day. We danced, and laughed... Step Daddy showed us how he likes to -Shake-Lock- and drop..... and then Step Dads best friend came over.... Just the nicest old man I have ever met..... Only problem...I couldnt understand a word he was saying. and Anne knew this because I tried to really pick up on some words, but it just didnt happen because she had to interpret. She then started to laugh hysterically which made it worse. We excused our selves and went back into the house and I pulled her over and said:

me- "Gurl. I am so not trying to be rude or anything, but he reminds me of that guy on King Of The Hill"

Anne- "Boomhower"

a few moments later the phone rings and Anne tells me- "It's for you."

Well, how can it be for me because no one knew where I was.....

me- "hello?"

stepdaddy- "Heeeeeeey hooker, can you grab 2 beers for me and Mike?"

me- "sure ok..."

I am out looking in the garage for the cooler - there wasn't any in the fridge- and Anne starts laughing and she says- "lemme show you where the beer is."

How bout we got back outside on the deck where Boomhower Mike and Step Dad are and the mini fridge is "right there" next to their chairs....... They said they did it to bring us women folk back outside. I dont think so....but ok..... My son then drives by waving as he and another boy are trying to outrun a pomeranian on a golf cart. Boomhower then looks at me and asks if I would mind my son drive his big Dumpster Truck and promises me that he would take good care of him.. I am waving from afar as I watch my child trying to do this- but he opts to just ride because his words were- "I was scared I would hit a house or something."

All in all- we had a great weekend........ Kids dont get to do what my son did anymore... It's all about the video games.... But I can tell he had the best time- staying out at night until all you saw where stars- flippin go carts-dunebuggies... Learning to drive big wheeled trucks..... On the way home he asked if it was ok if he could be a black-hispanic redneck. I told him he could be anything he wanted to be as long as he was a respectable black hispanic redneck.

I know..my cheese isnt fully on the cracker is it? *laughs*

It's all about YOU! So today I am doing the official callie PEEPS AWARDS! dun dun duuuuunnnn.....

For Pete in NZ. and his lurvly wife Lyn. Much lurve for thinking of me. and check this- I got your card back on yesterday when I got home cause I didnt have adequate stamps. I so sorry. Remailing right back out yo!

To Hope- for her humor, her gratuitous nature and just for being REAL..FO REAL.....I lurve her mucho grande!

To DAZD for being a real genuine super dooper trooper by listening... Your tops!

For DIXIE and M.O.M.- laughter is great medicine and you bring it....funny....funny.....

For Pele- the only other wahine that relates to how I feel about da kine. malama pono my sistah. Your such a sweet inspiration.

For Blither, Bettina, and BoBo- .... All thats missing are gold teeth, gold chains and booty shorts and you ladies can have a dance group called the 3 B's, and I would buy your cd. Holla! Thank you for your stories, your charms. You are all bootiful. bootylicious...

For Pete in SAfrica, Fancy and Anna-Lys: because of you all -believing in romance isn't hard. I am just waiting for Pete in NZ to land a big Maori Warrior for me. That will take time.

For Pittchick, Kate and Seraphine- you bring me much knowledge and wisdom to the chaos. This Guiness is fer you.

For Kev and Rimbina: Thank you for your emails and always letting me know that your ok and your still reading even though your travelin all over the world, acting like you have lost your freakin mind. HA...and please.....make sure you get me an autograph of someone important and make sure they write how much they love me, even they don't know me so I can show it off.

And of course to the rest of you.. I learn something new each day- and I enjoy your visit....truly....relish in it people. Because of all of you- my blog is still going and I enjoy sharing my world with you....And now...On to the AWARD....

I give you all the:

Your song for the day is up and running! Just click on the DJ Video!

Ps. this mah baby! Look at him go!

PS. PHAT EDIT: I so screwed up according to email and left out my real partner in crime- That Guy. Dude- it wasnt that I totally forgot, I just wasnt thinking clearly since I dont hear from you anymore. Hope your feelin better and you forgive a sister yo!