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I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted. Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,. World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt! Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

I was thinking the other day as I was explaining something that I experienced that I was "fearful".....Well, ok let me back up some...... I agreed to go out for a friendly outing with a male. I know him- he is my neighbors best friend, and one day out of the blue he calls and says "Eh, you wanna go get some chicken wings and beer?" and I don't ever turn down chicken wings and an ice cold beer in a mug so I said sure. And then it hit me. I literally started to dial him back and tell him no. I was terrified to go. But I still went. And I guess it was apparent that I was nervous because wouldn't you know it, I dropped the beer in my lap somewhat and had to make a mad dash to the restroom to dry off.

All the while I was fretting in my mind- not how good the food was or how much fun I was having, but of "Oh God, please don't let this guy think we are dating, Please don't let this guy try and kiss me or hug me...Please......" and the list went on. When he dropped me off I made a mad dash out the truck- (so quick in fact that a sandal fell off) and ran into my apartment. Now- this is my fear.......... I have been burned and hurt so much in relationships that I am terrified to date again...truly...I mean anxiety beads of sweat. I have no problem hanging out with people in big groups and things of that nature, but I just wig in situations such as the one mentioned above. And yet the flip side.. I don't want to be alone.. I don't want to go through my life without someone of the opposite sex being there for me....make sense?

ok....so..whats your fear? your response? am I just weird?

~c

callie rocked you at12:53 PM

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Friday, March 21, 2008

You all did very well, but I had to come clean today because Dixie was threatening to beat me down because I was making her almost wet her pants in anticipation you see. LOL I am kidding. So...................... This is the news...........................

I did have a moment in thought of just finding someone to get me pregnant because I wanna lil baby so bad I can taste it. I mean..I walk through wally world and just oooooo and ahhhhhh over all the little baby stuff and then my mind gets changed rapidly as I turn the corner and there is some kid screamin for the life of Darth Vader in pantyhose with snot dripping down their face and I then come back to freakin reality. "Funk That Noize"

And then there was the issue of me looking for a new gig because frankly I am so much more than they think and they "the man" is always trying to look out for themselves and just screw everyone else ya know?

And oh yeah- The issue with the IRS, although I wished they would get off their asses they still have yet acknowledged that I resent them my shit certified a week ago. So I guess my trip to Tahiti won't come unless I meet someone and they totally dig me and they just wanted to be nice to me and enjoyed my company sooooo much they just asked me to go with them and....and....ok...so I am dreamin somewhat......but you get the point.

And the blog for money or write for money ordeal...Well, yes I have been asked...twice...by someone that has a magazine- and for someone that has a newspaper deal, but you know what? My Style is exactly that...MY STYLE...I don't want people to dictate to me how my writings should be done and what to say and all that. It's like trying to turn me into something I am not or either take something from me, that is me....... So I passed....

So what the hell is the news?

It would be me telling my boss- "the man" to kiss my ass and F him and his momma with a wooden kickstand leg.....Albeit, under my breath...but yeah.... On Monday- I was offered an Ugly Betty job yo! I will be a personal assistant to a CEO of a company! I dont know if she likes onion bagels and all that shit, but I am the woman...working for a woman....and I am gonna lurve it people! Therefore...what to do about this blog? Well, I will just have to do my best to maintain it. Therefore I wont be able to crank out daily life happenings on each day like I used too..... Sorry..... But I will touch base and update as much as I can............and I will be sure to notate some juicy news for you all about my new job and all that trivial stuff because you gotta know that working for a woman can be trivial perhaps at times.

So for those of you that guessed on the job thing.. Congrats. for those of you that kept guessing the blog job thing- I am accepting offers as of right now yo! I am woman...Hear me .......meowwww!

PS...just random shit in my head-

Doesn't Rumor Willis look like Bruce with boobs?

Weimaraner Dogs remind me of Liverwurst with legs..the color of them...*ack*

What is the purpose of designing ugly ass clothes that you cant wear to walmart? let alone a runway show?

callie rocked you at1:16 PM

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Yo-

I am feelin a little JigSawish this morning...So....here goes......

"Hello people......I wanna play a game...."

Do you have the correct answer? What's my earth shattering news? And yes..It does pertain to this blog as well.....

MULTIPLE CHOICE YO!

a. Could it be that because of the looming fear and hormone race in my head and body and that I set up a few one night stands with someone that I know to get me pregnant and it worked?

b. Could it be that I was offered another job and I told my current boss "F him, and his momma with a kick stand wooden leg?"

c. Could it be that I have been asked to be on the payroll for some big time magazine in which I will be writing swank callie like views for all the world to see?

d. could it be the IRS has come to a resolution and it means they are paying me an additional amount recovered which means that I can go to Tahiti later this year?

e. could it be a potluck meal of all of these answers?

f. could I be totally throwing you all off?

And the Winner is: *drumroll or liproll here people*

oh snaps! I will have to wait until I finish my cereal.

*laughs*

callie rocked you at8:50 AM

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Friday, March 14, 2008

Slick, can I borrow that middle finger of yours to shove up the butt of the IRS? Dazd, yes please handle the phone calls and get them straight. Dixie, please come scoop me up in your banana mobile of a schoolbus and take me to the nearest bar. Pele, just give me a ticket back home, because right now people I have had it! This week alone I have been graced in my mailbox to pull out a total of 6..count em....6 letters from the IRS telling me:

1. We got your stuff

2. We didnt get your stuff

3. These are copies of the stuff you sent us

4. You owe us money for the above mentioned stuff that we received...oooops..that we didnt receive.....ooops that we received and are sending you copies of......

5. Please resubmit your stuff

6. Maam....we just don't know what the hell we are doing, but have a beer on us and sorry for the inconvenience.

Done people. Done....and THESE are the people we pay to watch our money in a sense? You know this situation has reached epic cussing proportions when your pastor calls you and you break out into tears and realize 5 minutes into the conversation that you have gone from a smooth talking ghettolatinafabulous gem like myself, to richard pryor in 0-60 flat people! After I finished I took a deep breath and told him.... "Well, you asked how I was........are you there?" He was so understanding though. See he works for the IRS to make sure the IRS are doing "their" jobs. When I emailed him all of the stuff going back and forth he was amazed and told me he needed a few days to make some calls and find out what was going on...So...next week I am sure I will have something more meaningful to talk about.

Pele? Are you surfing the crimson tide yet? Because you and I share the same surfboard and I am crampin like a mofo dreamin of a chocolate sundae with extra nuts and cherries and whipped cream...*sighs*

And while I am typing this- I am on the phone right now listening to this lady try and explain to me about the tax shit- and she just has no idea how I am ignoring her ass as she is trying to explain to me what mail she will be sending out in regards to my acct. "And on page 7 I highlighted this, and skip to page 16 where I highlighted that, but pay no attention to the middle fluff...." pulllleeeeze. Right now, anything they say is SPAM.....imitation of words with excess fillers.

*breathe...breathe.....* In other scopes of my mind boggling space- How does a lady sit on a toilet for 2 years? Riddle.Me.That? I saw it in the news and I thought, what? did the boyfriend just superglue her to the rim of it? I mean....2 years????? Did he remove the ky and things like that from the drawers so she couldn't unseal herself some how? How strange and terrible at the same time.

Alas, Ms. I will send you your transcripts through the mail so you can ammend your taxes for 2005. 2005 people! It is 2008 and your just now hounding me about some bullshit in the amount of 350.00? ok...ok... Omelette this roll..right?

~peace~

PS...Slick..I am tired of when i leave comments on your site your little word verify thingie is giving me words I have to wikipedia...

What's a mangina?

callie rocked you at1:04 PM

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Yes People. I have once again been officially screwed by da man without the vaseline yo! Once the IRS has begun tactics of treading water while trying to explain to me- "Hey we got your stuff February 1- postdated January 26, but we need 45 days additional to check your request....to now a letter on yesterday saying- Hey, we still have not received your stuff can you like re-fill out these forms and send them back? ps...sorry for any inconvenience....."

Inconvenience? Me cancelling a cruise twice is inconvenient? Me calling you all once a week asking if I should re-send my stuff and being told "no" is inconvenient? Me telling my son once again- plans are on hold for the moment for our vacation is inconvenient? People......the word for today is OMELETTE........ "Omelette this shit go for now, because I am steaming. THAT is how inconvenienced I am....

Oh and to add another shove in the butt without the vaseline- my son just called as I type this to say- "Mom, I kinda missed the bus." ok...lemme see who I can come scoop you up because I do not get a relief until 12....... yeah....never a dull moment people... Onward to something more uplfiting in my moment of sniffling-puffy eyed crying fit. But yo- I promise...give me an hour to mope and all will be fine. It's life.....

Peeps to get to know! I love meeting people and I am in awe daily about people I find on the net! Check out these peeps and support them yo! First up is the handsome Mark Wasyl in LA.....His artworks rawks sox and I adore his creations of Drop Dead Sexy Pinups. Next on the Callie radar is the lovely Chandra Michaels of SUGARLUXE DESIGNS. Cute cute cute is all I gotta say. As for new reads that I recently added- balls of steel would come from the mind of this handsome fellar - SLICK SUMBICH . His take on life from the mind of a male makes me laugh. and then there is this handsome feller- StupidTom. I assume that people may think he is stupid but the man has got serious smart skillz to override the space shuttle if it came down to it. Last but not least- this beautiful, scandalous woman.... WICKED ATTITUDE.

And with that ladies and gentlemen, pimps and pimpettes....I am outta here like Elvis.

~callie

callie rocked you at7:56 AM

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Tuesday, March 11, 2008

People! It is that time of the year again and this is why I do not go out much spring and summer unless I am going out of town. It is because of those flying bastards called Cockroaches...Now- I beg to differ and unless you can sway my thought process I still- do not...understand the verbiage of roaches....

Dang it- Here in the south there seems to be a variety. Cockroaches, Waterbugs, Palmetto Bugs..am I missin something???? No! They are roaches! plain and simple. and they scare me shitless people..Truly...They sneak in and fly into your homes when you least expect it...Which is why I do not go out after dark nor do I open my doors. I kid you not...I just yell to my sons friends, "Climb the Balcony" or I stand close to the door and let them in as I slam the door as quick as I can which has involved someones ankle or a toe a time or two.... Yes! I am deathly terrified of them....... I was in a deep sleep one night and felt something crawling on my head and i woke up and turned on the light and stood there with a shoe in my hand waiting. I be damned if that thing did not Rambo style me and flew past me into the ceiling fan. Needless to say there was no fan left by nights end. I ripped it out of the ceiling kind of in order to kill the cock. I did..but at a cost...... I am now a certifiable bug doctor. I go to those Do It Yourselfers and walk in empty handed only to walk out looking like I am going to war. Face mask and all! carrying tons of stuff with cross bones on them.

Last night as I was taking a long awaited bath- I sat in my tub inhaling my eucalyptus with my eyes closed and I heard something.....I opened my eyes and waited to hear it again and there it was! A big bug with all these legs clinging to my towel rack, and people........*shakes mah head*....I was so terrified I started my own jacuzzi club from farting so much...I farted bubbles in copious amounts for sure seeing this thing and just freaked! I jumped out of the tub and stood there in the buff with a pair of panties to swat it to death. And then it dawned on me that it would cling to those so I opted for a bottle of pine sol that I had under my sink in a spray bottle. I sprayed and sprayed until it fell off the towel and just lied there twitching. It was dying a horrid death as it's legs one by one started to give out..And I am standing over it still spraying shouting my thoughts to it. "Die you bastard!" "Trying to sneak in on me and my bath time!" I literally stood there counting the minutes until I realized it was dead...I then used a half a roll of Bounty paper towels to pick it up and flushed him down the toilet.

My bath water was cold.I was to edgy to get back in and reheat. So I just went for a new towel and got dressed. I was on edge the rest of the night people. My son came home from trying to learn to play basketball- to a home filled with bleach, and some other stuff I got at that Bug store. He walked in and asked if I was ok and I had to explain the dilemma that momma had to endure. And of course I gave him the spring and summer door speech. He just laughed...I don't know why...This is serious business!

Just for thought though, I think it is funny how "cock" roaches are synonymous with men since they are known as or by their cocks. I'm jus sayin yo.

callie rocked you at8:41 AM

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Monday, March 10, 2008

I did not want to get up this morning people. Not only that but I didn't set my clock forward over the weekend, which caused me to wake up in the middle of the night not once, but thrice, to ensure that I was on the correct time and all so I wouldn't miss work. And yet- I am here..pecking away on my pc just to bring you all some Monday glorified callie goodness! Go ahead people. Take a big bite and just relish in it.

I went and saw my little Asian foot doctor on Sunday afternoon. Ahhhhhh just to save up money for this moment of heaven is worth it yo. No dunkin donuts coffee for evah just to have someone hum a little tune of some sorts as she scrubs away my dead sea skin! She then massaged my feet and put me in that coma of where I fell asleep and caught myself snoring and startle awake myself from bliss just in time to wipe that mouth spillage from the corner of my lips. Heaven people! If you have never had a pedicure get one. Men, no shame in having someone scrub that shit off your feet either. Schedule a deep pedi appointment ASAP!

For the love of Snow White bumpin the seven dwarfs people- I am over it having people come up to my desk and they are hacking away in their hands and then want to shake mine or use something from my desk. Over it! thats why I had to do the little slip in the moment routine. Basically for example- the man at my desk that smells like McDonalds egg, grease and sausage biscuit- he stands at my desk awaiting for a client and he is coughing all in his hands and trying to make small chit chat. I picked up my Bath and Body Works Peach antibacterial hand gel - put some on my hands and say: Would you like to try this? It works really well compared to those oily lotions. And I be doggone if he doesn't fall for it and lathers his sausage smelling hands up with some germ fighter people! Recognize! I got skillz.

OOoooooo I didnt tell you all that last week I did a chicken move and posted a note to the Bathroom Bandit did I? Surely did! I politely said:

"Please, Be considerate and Spray after Bathroom useage."

It's still hanging up on the wall next to the tampon dispenser. I am so touched. I need an award... Now, if I go in my private zen space today and that bathroom is all jacked up- I am raccoon spying on their azz and I will do my best to deliver a good beat down. Perhaps so good that I will beat the shit out of em..they won't ever have to worry about stinking up my bathroom and leaving race tracks ever again. jus sayin yo.

Happy Birthday again Pete in South Africa. I know I kinda suck when doing it the day before or what not, but it was important for me to tell you and I didnt want to be late with the time changes and all...To bad your not here, I would have given you a lap dance or something. Just to let you know how much I care. "holla"

I.Am.An.Addict. Enuff said....no really....I do not have cable anymore- because the company I was with was jacking me up on the prices, and because I did not go to StupidToms school of knowledge at that time I did not know that I could bargain the way he did so I just told them to shut it off. No worries. I do NetFlix and have something to watch each night which brings me to my addiction... "HEROES" I am still on Season one and I am just jonxed! Lurve it people! and needless to say my favorite person of all- HIRO NAKAMURA...he is just tooo cute to boot and he is so optimistic about everything...Lurve Him.......

Ok... I have said enuff and now I have to peddle my butt to a few other web houses to make my visits. Wishing you all a splendid Monday. and if your ditching work today just because you can- dont gloat here. keep it movin. *winks

~callie

PS..... the sausage man has left the building!

callie rocked you at1:11 PM

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Wednesday, March 05, 2008

People! I am getting ready to inspire you all on just how my interview went on yesterday. First of all- let me back up and just let you all know- that I at times can talk major shit. It's a given. It's a part of my personality. However- I can also be on the serious side and so into the intellectual stigmata of it all- that you would become so enthralled that you might even bust a nut. Seriously! So- now that we have that out of the way- let us proceed. First of all, there seems to be a random market of bait and hook going on in the job market lately. I have been in the job market for a long time, so if something is not making me giddy upon an interview I leave. Simple as that. Which is what happened on yesterday....

You see, upon my interview I asked those pertinent questions and wrote them down as I was speaking to the recruiter. I scoured the internet and did my research on the company and was quite impressed. On yesterday I called to ensure that my appointment time was still on the schedule- gathered directions a day before and drove it to ensure that I knew where I was going and what not. I did it all my friends...and yet on yesterday it was a totally different ball game.

First of all I rolled up on this joint and the first thing I noticed was the name of the company. Not only was it the name of a different company- BUT they had used a bigger companies name to get people in the door. So- I get inside and take a look at my surroundings. Now people..This is how Callie rolls and you all need to take note- because I am saving you all alot of time and gas. When I walked inside the building, not only were the walls plastered in posters of "Why you should do sales for us" but it was in need of a good scrub. I mean a Pine Sol, douse with bleach scrub. Second of all, when the admin. greets you and she looks like she just rolled out of her trailor and you yourself are looking top notch professional to where you can give her a good bath and grooming lesson- then Houston you got more than a problem. You got a situation of epic proportions. As she greeted me and gave me my little packet of information, I whispered kindly to her: "The position you called me about, is it for sales?"

Now look people. I have no issues with sales. In fact I worked in a large retail market where I sold their products at hundreds to thousands of dollars at a time. Yes. I can. and did. But in order for me to do that I have to genuinely believe in a product and use it, and build a portfolio of sorts on it. However, with sales there are also certain dynamics that come into play..One of those being-"lying", and of course the ball buster of threats in order to hit commision and what not. I do not need nor do I wish to engage in that kind of drama. Onward! So- "Ms. I just got up this morning", tells me: "Well, there is some sales to it, BUT your resume' is so wonderful please stay and listen to what the Regional Manager has to say it may benefit you!" So- I took it upon myself to sit lightly on a chair, and wait along with 3 other people. "35 minutes late for the meeting to start later" the RM comes out and talks about how she is sorry, lost track..whatever. She then leads us into this room that looks like a closet and proceeds to tell us about who she is and all that song and dance. While she is doing this I have my pad out and I am taking notes. She seemed impressed because she kept tapping me on my arm or shoulder whenever she wanted or felt she needed an extra voice or self reliant praise or what not. But little did she know- Callie was getting ready to up the ante and show her just who she called in on the sly.

So by now- I have sat through a so called flow chart on becoming a sales rep, how the commission works, and how to make over 136,000.00 a year. I am tired, I am hungry, and if anything pissed that I was lied too. So- before winding down, she flips her little flow chart screen and starts asking these questions.

"These are a few of the trips that are offered to our top sales people!"

"Have any of you been to Mexico?"

me- "yes"

"What about Vegas?"

me- "yes

"What about Jamaica?"

me- "yes"

"My my!- you seem to travel alot! But how would you like to make this kind of money and travel each year? Where can you find a job that can provide this much money and benefits other than right here?"

and we are all silent. and she taps me on my shoulder and says: "Ms? Tell me something are you ready to be on my team? Where else can you make this amount of money and have these kind of benefits?"

and I look at her and say in front of everyone- "Honestly?"

and she says- "But of course because we pride ourselves on honesty, and integrity!"

and I look at her and say :"Prostitution"....yes people I did.. and I even elaborated to the gasps and snickers and perhaps a fainting blow farting moment on behalf of the RManager.... and I gave her the Callie spill and definition of what I meant.

"You see Maam, if your a high class prostitute, you don't need a pimp. You can schedule your own appointments and command the sale according to what the client is wanting, and what you can offer. Further more, you also can command the logistics and you can work in a few extra benefits yourself, whether it be a shopping spree, or a trip to Greece. No Maam, I am not interested in working for you. I can do more on my own as a self sufficient whore."

and with that people, I grabbed my shit and rolled to the laughter of the 2 young ladies that wanted to leave but felt bad for up and walking out, to the I'm sure speechless rep. whose ass I just cashed in from making a buck off of me.

And people, no I am not this ruthless when it comes to dealing with people in general. However when I find out that I am chess piece on the playing board, you better believe I can become tenacious and aggresive enough to read you, write you, and erase you as I call check fucking mate! As all of you should be when dealing with this kind of tackiness in searching for a job. People, don't let the game play you, you play the game! Know your worth and have the highest bidder pay for your services. Where one may not agree- someone else will.

And that.... THAT is my story, and I am sticking to it!

PS. Phat Edit Addition:

Thank you to my anonymous emailer that sent me this link and info which basically backs up my story and claim about this a-holes. check it yo! just click on the name:

Jack Ass

callie rocked you at9:34 AM

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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

1. I am craving bbq ribs like a booger needs snot to migrate people. I want a big ole plate of it smothered in bbq sauce so I can look like I had not eaten in months. cover me happy.

2. "That Guy" who happens to be my loyal trusted friend will not help a sistah out with finding a a guy to date. Keep in mind he knows "plenty" considering he is in the Navy. I just think he is trying to keep the memoirs of my goodies all to himself. Dude, you better ante up and call my favor in- or I will have to recruit some people like errrrr. Dixie to throw down a royal redneck ass whoopin on you. buleeve that.

3. Dazd keeps erasing my comment from his little Caption It game.... My little Dinosaur Caption It Response was- "Were we really adopted?" but it's ok.. I don't wanna play with you anymore. *winks*

4. I think I am gonna come up with a rendition of "Callilicious" to compete with Fergi and her cute ghettorican self. alas, it is debatable.

5. I got my interview today. Y'all keep me in mind.

6. I enjoy reading the new blogger on my blogroll entitled "SlickSumBich"...I learn alot about men and why some can be assholes in their thinking. it's better than any self help manual I have ever read.

7. StupidTom's blog is entertaining also. Make that 2 versions of learning what goes on in some mens minds and why they can be assholes. cha ching.

8. Question- if a rooster is male, a hen is female what's a chicken?

9. Do men really care what kind of lingerie women wear?

10. Kid Rock doing the Waffle House scuffle. I wonder if he was upset that his hashbrowns weren't scattered, smothered, covered, chunked, diced, toped, peppered, capped and "laid."

yeah.........just thinking mind you.

PS. PHAT EXTRA EDIT: As my friend Hope would say- I am "HOWLIN".....people... I have too much time on my hands.....For us ladies, look at what I can do when i have a menstrual cycle. Talk about a month of creativity. click here~~~~> TAMPON CRAFTS

~c

callie rocked you at11:23 AM

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Monday, March 03, 2008

I dont know how to feel today people. But I know that I am feeling something versus nothing.... Ummmmmm..I am happy to know that I made it another year considering the bullshit drama that I have had to go through in the last year.

I am happy that I have a job and all of the other things that sometimes can be taken for granted.

I am happy I have a cool kid and that I have a few great friends- that dispense really great advice and even just a listening ear when I need to vent- or cry or whatever.

I am happy to know that spring is just around the road and today I am dressed for it to bring it in early.

I am happy to still be considered "beautiful" as someone from the gas station told me the other day as I was fixing a hot dog, with no make up on, a zit on my chin, and piddling with the mustard spout..... "Excuse me" he says on the opposite side of the food counter. "Might I say you are most beautiful." and I know I turned 50 shades of blushing red, and I told him that was the sweetest thing I have heard in a long time. and it was...it brightened my day.

So- why do I feel bummed out on my birthday? maybe it is just a phase or something..I dont know... I commented on my friend Jerr's blog on his Why Ask Why Friday - that a former male companion called me on yesterday to wish me a happy early birthday, and he noticed the tone in my voice, and asked what was wrong. and I kind of got teary eyed and blurted:

"I am 38 and I am not sexy anymore.." and to this he laughed and made a comment and was like- basically, "What the hell are you talking about?" and I really didnt know myself. It just blurted off my lips. and at this moment of writing this- i still have no freakin idea, which leads me to believe that this is just a mental phase. My son is more excited than I am. He is planning a birthday party for me today. His menu:

Hot dogs with all of the extras- cause he knows I am a hot dog fanatic.

Chips and Salsa dip

and he is baking me a one of a kind birthday cake.

and then he asked me last night before going to bed: "Mom, will 38 candles fit on the cake?" I told him the cake would look better with the frosting and sprinkles instead of candles. He agreed......and then I went in my room and cried......yep I did......hormones? I dont know......Alas, here I am....and yes. I will make the best out of it...truly.......

So- without further adieu, sneak a shot of something and raise your glasses in the air and have a toast with and on me today:

"Here's to the women who sit on the mens faces, and Here's to the men that get up in the morning and don't wash it off!"

Happy Birthday To Me!

callie rocked you at8:50 AM

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Saturday, March 01, 2008

I made it through the Party people. Alas, I sit before you with puffy eyes, no make up, mismatched clothes, and wait..............ANOTHER HANGOVER.................. See I was fine. truly I was. The limo driver showed up on time, my other friends showed up at my place on time, all was smooth. Speaking of smooth, the Limo....I have not ridden in a Limo for fun purposes mind you. I have only felt them useful when attending funerals, and yet this one you can tell was not funeral purpose based. It had a bar set up with coronas and wine, glasses, a shade of disco lights of some sort, and well we popped in Callies Birthday CD mix, and started cruising downtown Atlanta and it was on people. Like sauce! By the time we got to Loca Luna I am sure i had a good buzz going on. And how would I know so you ask? Because when we got into the facility the same bartender that fixed my last drinks was working, recognized me, fixed me a drink along with one for my friend, and while having conversation with him I blurted.

"We didnt drink here, we have a limo outside"

Needless to say the look I got was too funny, and then it dawned on me of what I said. Such is life- let the party begin. I was told while sipping on my apple martini by a member of the Village People that my blouse was "beautiful" and that I was pretty and that the color- "salmon" was something I should wear often.... Graci for that comment. I proceeded to sip away only to then be approached by a handsome young man who I will name "A"- because well, I cannot recall what his real name was- but I know it started with an A. He proceeded to ask me about why I was there and of course I told him I was getting my birthday groove on and He responded by saying: "Ahhhhhhh your a Pisces!" People Mr. A then went into a whole 15 minute spill of my astrology chart and how I was in direct alignment with Jesus Christ. I kid you not. 30 minutes later we got our table and ordered appertizers. I gotta tell you, the food at Loca Lunas is "jonx" ! It was soooooooo good. I ordered......ummmm give me a moment. I am trying to recollect...Oh snaps I got it. I ordered ..............................shrimp in coconut milk and lime and chilies, and ahhhhhhhhhh........wow.....i can't recall the other dish I had. but it was goooood.

Someone bought me a shot. I cannt tell you who- but thank you whomever you are. it was a specialty. tasted like a chocolate cake, but it was strong. and then someone else bought me a drink that really rawked socks, and before I knew it I was on the dance floor. All. Night. Long. Don't hate! I danced by myself, with women, with men, with the pole, on a chair. Sam I am. Don Henley was singing about me in that song "All She Wants To Do Is Dance"......I danced with so many men last night it was unreal. Salsa and R and B- heck I should audition for dancing with the stars. I even got a lap dance from some guy. He was good. and while he was shakin his bon bon in my face, I gave his bon bon a few slaps and grabs. ya know..for special affects. I did see Eric again- the manager and he is just to cute to boot! And then five hundred million hours and seconds later, I started to sweat profusely and ended up straggling to a chair and swayed for the remainder of the night until one of my party people helped me up and told me it was time to go home, because I was out of it. I dont know how I ended up in my bed nekkid. But thanks to whomever helped me out of my clothes and shoes and wrapped me up tighter than baby Jesus in swaddeling cloth. I do recall waking up in the middle of the night scratching really bad- it felt like something was biting and crawling all over my chest, so I stumbled into the bathroom- flipped on a light, and blinking profusely noticed my boob area was covered in welt like marks and bumps like poison ivey. It itched and burned so bad all I could think of to do in my lovely state of drunkeness was grab some cotton balls and douse myself with Listerine. So I did. The itching stopped and I was minty fresh. "Holla!"

And then the inevitable happend. I was being called upon in the midst of my snoring slumber to the sound of: "Mom, Mom?" It's time to get up- I have school tutor classes this morning." 7am people! 7 am when my ass "just" laid down so it seemed. therefore I drug myself out my warm now minty fresh bed, into a hot shower and just sat in my tub as the water pounded me. I dropped him off- went and grabbed some cheap but strong coffee, and here I sit. Spilling my guts on "why" I only do this kind of partying once a year. and there you have it. I am miserable. truly. I ache, I have no idea why i am limping, and I keep trying to strain and recall how a dollar bill got in my bra strap and what the hell the other appetizer was that I ordered. go figure.

So today is Day 2 until my official birthday. and you know what has dawned on me people? I am getting to old for this......really......well...maybe I can make it another 3 years before shuttin her down. until then, I will just lay off the pole dancing.