Who Is Callie?
I am "The Full Monty"- Vibrant, Educated, Articulate, Twisted.
Absinthe Drinker, Diverse and Sensual,.
World Travel Freak, Guiness Beer Drinker, Simplistic and Flirt!
Lover of Life, Trying To Keep The Flow, On a Journey unknown. Won’t you Join Me?
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006Goodmorning,
I am writing as my mood is a challenging one today... For those of you that do not know, I have started my weight program, in which I am seeing a doctor and on a certain prescribed medication... Although people say- "You dont need that" well I do and I did it, and that is all that is to say about that.....
I figured, if people can come online and discuss their most intimate details about their lives, why shouldnt I be able to do the same? Not that it makes me any different..We are all human, and we live *here* therefore we all have issues and problems.... Some of you are alcoholics, drug addicts, some suffer from severe depression and then there are others that live secret lives that only you can express through your writings........... I for one, I guess have been dealing with lows in my life recently.... Yeah, I have..... I dont go into telling people I suffer from depression, because I see that word along with other negative words as a crutch to hold people down...... Although my lows have been extremley low, I try and flip it.
Meaning, in order for me to be better and feel better, I try to be a positive force for someone else........ A simple hello for example, is an acknowledgement that I give to you to express that "Hey, I see you, and you are worth a greeting".......I give a compliment (an honest one) to say to someone- "You are so appreciated, and worthy"............. It is what I think is considered positive re-enforcement.
One of the things that I think, and keep in mind this is just my view, it is hard as hell being a woman...In general.. I dont care if you are black, white, purple, blue... it is hard...We have to fight to get ahead in the work place, we have to fight to keep our so called sexuality in check..... We are mothers, sisters, doctors, homemakers, ............We are on call 365 days 24 hours a day......... We have to continuously fight to strive to be better each day.....If we are not fighting to keep a relationship together, by george we are fighting about our weight, our getting home in time to make a hot meal for the kids.....We are always fighting..........
I guess I am at a point in my life, where I am tired of fighting... I am so tired.... As I was saying prior to going in depth, I have been rigorously working out the past few days.... At one point I lost all sense of time and walked the treadmill for 2 and half hours not realizing that I had gone that long until my son came banging on the door telling me Prison Break had been on for 30 minutes and I was late................ All in all, after working out yesterday- I went home, did a load of laundry, checked and reviewed my sons homework, made his lunch, cleaned the living room, and ended up taking a long shower..... I went to bed at 10pm last night, and found myself crying...Just a huge weeping....Why? I dont know....maybe it was because of all of the hurt I have gone through this pass year, maybe it was for a friend that was sad, maybe it was because I finally got to a point of fighting......And yet, I awoke today- to fight again.......
I do not know why I am spilling all of this today..Maybe it is my therapy, maybe it is because I am sending a message to a few of those that read my blog but are filled with so much contempt and drama in their own lives, they thrive on sucking life and vitality out of a positive force....All in all- Maybe it is my way of saying to them- "I will no longer fight with you"......"You do not control me"......."You have no power over me"...."Your thoughtlessness and cruel acts which you see no harm in doing, is no affect on me any longer".. "I am alot stronger than you think."
"Welcome to my realm."